I will not yield

This was part of yesterday's conversation but I neglected to post it

Mom: What about soup?
A.: I'm making butternut squash [same word in Russian as pumpkin] soup.
Mom: No! I mean, I like pumpkin, but I like it in my pumpkin bread.
A.: Well, maybe you can try it in a different form.
Mom: doubtful.

***
I've mentioned the mom situation to three people, of whom one was helpful, i.e., she did not offer obvious, unsolicited advice, such as "why don't you just order out for Thanksgiving" or "well, let her take care of the food", neither of which is the point.

First of all, I want to make Thanksgiving Dinner. I don't want to order out; if I did, I would have thought of that myself. Nor would my parents be happy with takeout (although if it weren't for the duck, I could still see mom going to McDonald's just to spite me). That is what this is about: mom pulling $hit like that just to spite me. I want to try the recipes that I've found, and I don't want to have mushroom potato casserole. I can have that at every event at my parents' house. I want to go through with the menu that I have thought out and envisioned, and I would like my parents to give it a chance. If they don't like it, they can focus on the duck they're bringing, and make up for lost mushroom potato casserole at every other dinner they host or potluck they go to. They'll be having it on Wednesday evening; perhaps on Thursday they might abide something different.

I can go on and on about the various underlying issues coming into play here: mom's genuine suspicion of my cooking is the least of it (her persistent need to undermine my cooking, and/or one-up me in everything, is another matter). More relevant:
-Mom's unwillingness to acknowledge that I am an adult who can function without her;
-Mom's knee-jerk negativity and inability to let a thought go by unexpressed;
-Mom's one-size-fits-all approach to life, i.e. her deep-seated, albeit perhaps subconscious conviction that every aspect of my life--career, home, dinner, etc.--ought to go according to how she would have it.

I discussed this a bit yesterday with regard to the dumplings: she tends to make dumplings with mushrooms, so it is inconceivable to her that I would want to make dumplings with anything else. That there are other dumpling possibilities that are equally good or better does not penetrate the mom world view. And she'll bring it up every time I mention dumplings.

It's the same thing with the house: it's not exactly the couch, bookshelf, etc. she would have chosen, so she has to say something about it. That it's my decor, that it works for me, and that many of the smaller or non-furniture items are personal--i.e. gifts or travel mementos, gives her no pause.

I asked her, last time, whether she approaches the homes of other hosts and hostesses with the same critical eye and uncensored tongue. I don't know about you, but if I notice something that doesn't particularly appeal to me in someone else's decor, I keep it to myself not only out of politeness but out of respect for their personal style. I understand that they live there, so whether or not I like something [that is short of all-out gaudy] is immaterial.

There's no room for different senses of style in mom's world, and if there is room for unexpressed thoughts, it's not in regard to my sense of style. Just like it doesn't hurt my feelings that she doesn't care for my decor--I could care less, actually--it doesn't hurt my feelings that she may not like the food I will have prepared. But it is grating to listen to persistent negativity, and it's defeating to cook a family meal knowing that it will be (a) unappreciated and (b) approached with the scrutiny rivaling that of a food critic--one with a chip on her shoulder, at that. So maybe I should cut my losses and let her deal with dinner. I mean, why do I even bother?

Because I want to.