personal responsibility

Last week, Liz Pulliam Weston-- one of MSN's excellent personal finance writers-- published a column on stupid money behavior. This week, she responded to the hate mail that poured in from indignant readers who claimed that she was out of touch and didn't understand their situation.

After reiterating the distinction she had made in her original column between people who are "truly poor," which she defined as not having the resources to turn one's situation around, and people who are just broke, she took on some of her critics' arguments.

One woman criticized her for suggesting that people shop at Goodwill, accusing her of denying her readers any sense of dignity. What's undignified about living within one's means, Liz asked?

Now, I'm not above poor financial management. I've made my fair share of mistakes, the biggest of which was letting my mom manage (and crash) my IRA account. Another big one was not getting dental insurance last year, even though I had a history of needing pricy dental work. I take responsibility for my decisions, but I can also let go and move on: things happen, things cost money, it's really okay.

But you'd read some of the comments people post and have to wonder what planet they live on. I'm particularly amazed at the sense of entitlement... but even something more innocent than that-- a sort of misperception that they "shouldn't have to..." go without something or other. Yeah, maybe... but what you can afford is not a reflection of your character or value as a human being; it is a reflection of your income and other aspects of your net worth, and if your resources are limited, you have to make some choices. There are a lot of wonderful, intelligent, hard-working people out there who make jack-$hit, and there are a lot of people in the world whose choice is 'food or clothes?' rather than 'organic or conventional.'

I can go on and on. I used to work with someone who often wondered aloud whether she full under the poverty line, even though she was making three times that and wasn't the head of a household of four. Just a few days ago, I was chatting with an intern in my office, who was talking about where she wanted to live when she finished grad school in six months. "I'm too old to have to live with a roommate," she said.

You can have a preference for living alone, there's nothing wrong with that. I have a preference for flying first class on long flights, but I also realize that I can't afford to, or that doing so would come at the expense of a lot of other things.

A lot has been written, ever, but especially in the last year or so of economic meltdown, about how we're a nation that lives beyond our means, and much of that writing digs into the psychology of consumerism. Lots of people seem to think that they are what they wear, what they drive, what they spend. And I'll quote Robin Givhan-- dressing well is good manners. And I'll even agree that my Corolla reflects my personality: it gets me from point A to point B, efficiently, and without the need to convey status. But I don't think I'd be a better person if I only bought new clothes or drove a more expensive (or new) car. I'd be a better person if I gave more in donations.