Two things

Every year, I question whether I can be bothered to host an anti-valentine's day party and whether I'm sufficiently motivated. And then the obnoxious ads start and I know I'm in.

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A week or so ago I caught up with a family friend who, to my confusion, tried to convince me to "forgive" my mother. I had to explain that forgiveness was never an issue; lack of forgiveness is not why I don't/won't visit my parents more. The issue is toxicity: mom is just so venomous. I cannot be the person I want to be when I spend much time around her. In fact, having the conversation--with the family friend--made me realize how f*ed up I've been just from having spent a week with mom over the holidays. Being $hat on for the better part of that week took a toll on my sense of self. It's very hard to have someone criticize your every move and every choice without starting to question yourself. You may also lash out at other people, even though I don't think I have. The point is, I'm not spending "less" time with mom out of some punitive sense of bitterness; I'm minimizing my exposure to mom for my own sanity.