In 2016, we lost artists who showed us how to be irrepressible black men, unruly women, joyful and unashamed sexual beings and tender and tough all at once. And we lost them in a year when racism crept out of the crannies to which it had been consigned and an unrepentant chauvinist was elected president of the United States while sharing a ticket with a man who has appeared to believe that homosexuality could be cured.
I’m more interested, though, in the gap (or two) between your comfort level and your fiance’s. He doesn’t know you’re assertive like this? He doesn’t advocate for himself likewise? Are there other areas where you’re mismatched and/or this unaware of each other’s natures?
There may not be too many VERY fancy dinners in your future, but his discomfort exposes something that’s consequential to your daily life together. If simple assertiveness is just how you roll, then both of you will want him to be okay with that. Not just okay — you want a life partner to embrace the qualities that are germane to who you are.
He resents you because he doesn’t know how to express his true needs and desires the way you do. He doesn’t ask for what he wants. He watches things go badly, shakes his head from the sidelines, and blames you for it. He’s not an adult yet.