one of us has a selective memory

I talked to my parents on Saturday. Actually, I had called a few times on Friday, when dad was supposed to be back from the hospital, but he didn't get back until late. The last time I called, mom said not to call, they'd call me when he was back. I got a voice message late on Friday, planned on calling Saturday afternoon after I returned from helping a friend move in the morning, but they caught me on the way to said friend's house. Dad was doing well, we talked for a bit.

This afternoon I got a message from mom asking about my first few days at my new job. Just kidding (did you believe that for a minute??). I got an incredibly nasty message from my mother:

Listen, your father had a very serious operation. Other people are calling. You-all week-- didn't even bother to call when he had the operation; you haven't bothered to call all week to find out how he is. Other people are calling, except you. What is going on with you? What has our family become?


Followed shortly by,

If you deign to call, don't tell him that I told you to call... pretend that you actually care.

Now, let's say for a minute that I hadn't even thought about calling (I had, rethought it because I figured I'd let him rest and then call me when he was awake). Wouldn't it have been more effective for my mother to say,

"Hi. I know you have a lot going on, but I have a feeling your father would really like to hear from you. I'm sure you just haven't gotten a chance to call, but I wanted to let you know."

But of course she didn't say that, because she's more interested in using this for fodder-- and even making things up about what I did and didn't do, and exaggerating how long it's been since we'd talked-- than giving me the benefit of the doubt and reminding me to call dad.

So I called her back and asked her to refrain from leaving me sanctimonious, lecturing messages, and that if she would recall, I did call over the weekend, and I hardly see how not calling for three days was a sign of profound neglect. She said she didn't want to talk to me if I was going to use that tone but that I should call back and she'd let dad answer the phone.

Now, perhaps I am guilty of projection, like mom. I know that when I'm not feeling well, I want to be left alone. I should have given that more thought and realized that my dad probably would like to hear from me. I'm not beyond reproach, but she's not helping.

So I called back (about half an hour later, when I'd left work), and she said "this is a bad time" and hung up. So do you think maybe if she cared about my talking to dad, she would have, maybe, stayed on the line so I could ask what a better time would be?

***
Mom: What?
A.: Can I talk to dad, please?

Dad and I talk for a bit. I tell him to call me whenever, since I don't want to call when he's sleeping. He confirms that he'd spent much of the first few days (I take that as up to yesterday) sleeping, but now he's recovering a normal routine. He gets his stitches out soon.

***
The issue here isn't my mom's motivation, which isn't for me to second guess, really. It's... who does she think she is to yell at me like that? To assume the worst and then lecture me? I'm tempted to say, "I'm not a child, I don't respond well to scolding," but the bigger point is that scolding's not great for children, either. It once again comes back to, who does she think she is?