The ramble (which also turned into a rant)

Since the earlier post turned into a rant, I thought I'd ramble on a new page. The rant and ramble aren't unrelated; picking up with the thing I sort-of closed on--people's need to call you out when you don't conform to the expectations they've created for you based on their own world views and limitations. This will not be the first time I've blogged about this (and my thoughts on the matter are far from original; here's a decent, recent take from Jezebel). I can also refer you to much of Ani DiFranco's early work (and maybe some later work).

I am not a celebrity, so few people care how I do things (eat, wear, groom), but it would behoove those few people to quit reading into it. This isn't actually about me: it would behoove everyone to quit reading into how women dress and groom.


I've started flat-ironing my hair more often. I look like a different person with straight hair, and, apparently, a much more attractive one. Some people have been telling me for years that I should straighten my hair (just as (some of the same) people have been encouraging me to wear make-up); I continue to do whatever I feel like doing and what works best under the circumstances. And over the last few weeks, the circumstances have generally favored straight hair and lipstick. It sounds absurd to even have to write this, but neither style choice is a sop to the patriarchy. My style choices are independent of either the patriarchy or the self-appointed lipstick police. You can see my earlier posts on sloppiness as privilege, and that's a factor but it's not really the point I'm trying to make at this very moment; the second link invokes dudes (the excerpt of Hamilton and Jefferson), makes the issue gender-neutral.

I've also covered, on these pages, the absurdity of women dressing (and grooming) for men (although it's probably true that some do, just like some men dress for women).  A (guy) friend recently brought this up in the context of full beards (i.e., not just scruff). His take was men had to realize that it wasn't attractive to women, but it was something they did as a masculinity signaling to other men. Fair enough (and in overall fairness, I hesitate to apply any one motivation to all men any more than I would to all women). The point here is, a lot of these issues are, if not gender-neutral, somewhat gender-consistent. Some women, and many (straight women) at least sometimes, dress and groom with men's preferences in mind. Some men, and many (straight men) at least sometimes, dress and groom with women's preferences in mind. A lot of us also dress and groom with professional interests in mind. I have come to appreciate looking put-together at work. And when someone points out, with the expectation of an explanation, that my hair is straight (or something), my honest response is pretty much, "I just felt like it."

Either way, I'm not going to apologize or explain myself to the strawman/woman that is the self-appointed lipstick police for wearing dresses and straightening my hair, or for anything else. None of those things makes me any less of a feminist, but the opposite opinion--that feminism is incompatible with dresses and lipstick--does make you less of a feminist. That perceived incompatibility is your issue, not mine. Did I mention that I sometimes bake cupcakes, too? Come take my feminist card (hat tip to Lizz Winstead):

Somebody alert Michelle Cottle that I am tweeting about baking pie! #ComeTakeMyFeministCard
— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) November 27, 2013

Not to put too fine a point on it, self-appointed, strawman lipstick police who are out for my feminist card, you can't have my feminist card. You didn't issue it, so you can't take it back. You can't confiscate it from dieters (or from women who are thin). You can't put us in a box--whether you're men or women, anti-feminists or faux-feminists or misguided feminists; you can't tell anyone else what to look like to conform to your idea of what she should look like. I mean, you can, but the issue is in your idea of what someone else should look like, not what she looks like. So this is my (thin, nail-polished) middle finger to you for trying.