Mom's in a mood

Mom: Did you hear what I wanted to say?
A.: What you wanted to say?
Mom: I said it.
A.: Then I heard it.
Mom: What did you hear?
A.: Nothing worth repeating.
Mom: I've had it with your backtalk. We did everything right, and all we got was you!

Mom: Don't visit anymore!
A.: Fine.
Mom: I won't visit you either!
A.: Okay.
Mom: If you're going to have a superiority complex, sit there on your own and stew in it.
A.: Okay.

***
Here are some things I could say to mom in response to her thoughts on my having children:

• You had a kid. How'd that work out for you?
• But I already have a cat on whom I can heap emotional abuse, which is what, according to your logic, mothers are for.
• You do realize that if I do have children, you're not coming near them?