I have a TV now

Yesterday wasn't bad at all by mom-interaction standards, until it got really, really bad fast. She complained in the car--and I did my best to remain patient, which is partly challenging because Alzheimer's mom is not that different from regular, passive-aggressive mom. So when she kept asking, every minute on the way home from the airport (there were not that many minutes) whether I had air conditioning in my car--yes, I repeated, and it's on full-blast--after about five times, I asked whether I should just turn the AC off so she could appreciate the difference. I drive an old Corolla, not a Jaguar; the car is not going to get that cold on a very hot day.

We settled in, and for whatever reason, mom started ranting about the Ukraine. So that was fun. But the real fun came that night, when even I was blown away by her emotional selfishness.  It's true, she's ill, but--again--she pulled the same $hit when she wasn't. The same inconsiderate disregard for everyone in the room. The same unmitigated willingness to make everyone around her miserable because she felt like it. It reminded me of when she wouldn't shut up about the "idiocy" of my having done some laundry in the sink in Shanghai.

Anyway, last night we had dinner and went for a walk once it cooled down. It was actually not a bad day--she enjoyed the local flora and appreciated the food and the air conditioning. She did complain about how there was no TV, but she seemed to let it go. I offered to stream something on the iPad but she said she wanted to take a nap. When she woke up, she started to rant about how there was nothing to do here and she was bored. What was she supposed to do in the evening? Stare at the ceiling? In Boston, there are all sorts of concerts--all kinds of music comes to Boston--but here, there's nothing. Not even a TV!

To dad: This is what happens when decisions are made behind my back! I know you wanted to see your daughter, but I didn't ask for this. There's nothing for me to do here.

Not that it matters, but she was on the phone when we bought the tickets. No complaints or even comments.


This went on, on repeat, for hours. to the point where I went to bed and came downstairs after an hour or two to tell her to be quiet. She said to call the airport because she couldn't take another day of doing nothing. I asked her what she wanted to do; she said she wanted to go home. Where there are concerts or at the very least friends to see. And why don't I join them? There are friends there. I told her I had friends here, and that we could easily get her to a concert if that's what she wanted.

I went back to bed--it must have been around midnight--but she continued to berate dad about how she didn't want to be here and that she was leaving tomorrow. Eventually she stopped, only to pick up where she left off, first thing in the morning.

Mom: I don't want to be here! There's nothing for me to do here!

This went on for a very long time. We were going to go for a walk, but mom wanted to take a nap again and by the time she woke up, it was too hot for a walk. So she started complaining about how there was nothing to do, not even a TV.

So I decided that we would go to Best Buy, to buy a TV. But that didn't help. First of all, on the way to the car, she set her sights on my lavender.

Mom: Dig one of those up for me, would you?
A.: It'd die before you bring it home. Could you just get one of those in Boston?
Mom: No! I don't have time to go get one. You have four!
A.: That's because I planted four, and I actually want to get more. I'd be happy to get you one but you'd still be better off getting one locally. It's a pretty delicate plant.
Mom: This is not the first time! You always do this! I ask you for something simple, and you refuse. You're so greedy and selfish.
A.: You are right that this is not the first time, in the least, that you've asked me for something--or asked me to do something--that makes no sense whatsoever. And so I've said no. I am not digging up my lavender for it to die. I don't understand why you can't get your own lavender or at least let me get you new lavender.
Mom: Because! Because! I ask you something, and you say no! You always do this! Never once have you been there for me when I needed you!
A.: Never once have I ceded to your emotional blackmail when you try to make me feel guilty about something stupid.

So I bought a TV, brought it home.

Mom: Where are you going to put it?
A.: I haven't thought about it.
Mom: Why do you need a TV?
A.: I don't. You do.
Mom: Oh, so I can take it home?
A.: I wouldn't recommend it. It doesn't travel well. (I resisted the urge to add, 'like lavendar,' mostly because I didn't want to bring it up again).

We set it up. Now mom's complaining about how there's nothing to watch (nothing=not Fox News). And she's still going on and on and on about how she hates being here and wants to go home and there's nothing to do.

Dad's response has been, "welcome to my life."