STFU, Princeton Mom

I haven't had much to say about Princeton Mom's uber-misguided ('offensive' goes without saying, but is not the point) comments about rape, mostly because everyone else has said it better. But there's one point I want to emphasize. I'm not sure that no one's said it (particularly in this context), but it's worth repeating: to the extent that she has a point, that point is part of the problem.

Let's dissect this concept that the woman is ultimately responsible for her own safety, just as--in her example--the pedestrian is responsible for looking both ways, even when the pedestrian has a green light. Or, rather, it behooves the pedestrian to look both ways, even if it's the pedestrian's right to cross the street. Leave aside for now the fact that this is a fundamentally flawed analogy, because in that scenario, the cars are innocent passerby, going about their business, perhaps somewhat distracted. You can't always control for human behavior; a driver may be changing the station or yelling at his kid, or whatever, so you'd better look both ways. But a rapist is not a distracted driver; a rapist is willfully looking to assault the victim. That analogy would only work if drivers were going around trying to strike pedestrians. And that analogy is dangerous, because putting the onus on the pedestrians would help the drivers get away with it. It would create a culture where offensive driving were the norm, because a smart pedestrian would watch every step. Hell, a really smart pedestrian might not ever leave the house.

There are lots of things that a pedestrian who truly cared about her safety might never do: never go out, never trust anyone, etc. Not that that would really keep you safe; someone could jam a car into your house. But what taking this uber-flawed analogy into absurdity gets us is, the secondary effects of rape culture: the limits that women impose or are expected to impose on themselves to stay "safe." And let's be clear: they are limits, and limits have a price--an opportunity cost, if you will. Of course, there are things that all of us do all the time (such as looking both ways), but there are things that we do--or consider doing--at a cost. And it is bullshit to expect women to continue to bear that cost by implying that, if we try to shift it, whatever happens is our fault. That bullshit has a name, and it is rape culture.