If I were Christian, I would be offended that these people are defending their bigotry in the name of their religion. Actually, I'm offended anyway. But I'm glad the legal system is blocking them from spreading and imposing their bigotry.
Anne Applebaum's column is excellent, but my comment is tangential: does it amuse anyone else that the Post can't decide how to spell 'Gaddafi'? It doesn't help that it prints stuff from wires--that's pretty much the issue. That said, please do read the column.
The Post profiles the food police, whom you can thank for having actually made your food safer.
Stephen Colbert joked about this study but it's so true. I've observed guys show off about their smartphones, but nobody cares (well, most people don't). Or much of the other crap that some people do to impress people.
Congratulations, Orlando: you're a fast food champion. In Boston, Dunkin' Donuts reigns supreme.
There is scientific evidence behind women with cats, although not necessarily single women with cats. I take their point about responding to the needs that your cat expresses, but Gracie expresses her needs non-stop, and I have a job and a life. As far as she is concerned, no amount of attention is too much. At some point, the only thing to do is tell her to zip it.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday morning roundup
Democracy in the Middle East is bad for terrorism.
The Farm Bureau hates America.
How February got the shaft. One of my coworkers is a leap-year baby... he told our boss he was thinking of taking today off because 'it's kind of my birthday.'
My roommates used to do this to me, i.e., approach with a questionable food and say, "A., could you smell our vegetables/rice/etc. please?" I'm kind of disappointed, though, that Mr. Kelly is so pathetic in the kitchen.
The Farm Bureau hates America.
How February got the shaft. One of my coworkers is a leap-year baby... he told our boss he was thinking of taking today off because 'it's kind of my birthday.'
My roommates used to do this to me, i.e., approach with a questionable food and say, "A., could you smell our vegetables/rice/etc. please?" I'm kind of disappointed, though, that Mr. Kelly is so pathetic in the kitchen.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday morning roundup
Can Libya quickly enough build the institutions it needs for a transition? What's the outlook for Saudi Arabia? Fouad Ajami beautifully comments on the events in the region--their basis in the past, as well as possibilities for the future, while Al-Jazeera pats itself on the back. As for the Administration's response--forgive me not only for resorting to cliche but also repeating the same one in the course of several days, on the same topic, but it just works, even in this mangled form: speaking loudly is much, much less important than being able to wield a stick.
You can officially, empirically tell people to stop whining about liberal academe.
This quote reminds me of the 'I'm not a feminist, but..." antics characterizing generations of younger women. It's like, I don't give a f* about anyone else--I'm not one of those tiresome agitators--but I'm going to take a stand against fracking because it makes my family sick. Were that not the case, my attitude may well be 'drill, baby drill.
So, if the problem is seniority--and I'm not suggesting that seniority-based systems aren't a problem--why is that also necessarily a problem with collective bargaining? What get lots in funding cuts: views from Ken Burns and others. Also: Frank Rich on everything.
Ernessa, thank you for this, which I just saw. Much to comment on, in detail at some point. Guys do love the Malcolm Gladwell. I sometimes enjoy reading his work, sometimes tolerate it, and always find myself wishing he would get away from sports analogies. But your larger point is, reading matters. Reading the news matters, for sure, but I also find that reading fiction matters. Have you ever read "Smilla's Sense of Snow," or whatever it was called when it was published here, by Peter Hoeg? There's a line where she, or the narrator, says she just doesn't get people who don't read, and who proudly proclaim as much. She adds, it's like they're proclaiming that the world has nothing to teach them. Anyway, with regard to not reading fiction, I find a sort of stunted emotional intelligence there. Small sample size, but I'm just saying.
Allergies in kids are linked to low vitamin D levels. Please don't increase the amount of dairy your kids consume; get them out in the sun instead.
I'm with both Kelly Freston and Mark Bittman on this one, i.e. on the issue of fake meat. I'm with him in the sense that it's uber-processed, and with her in the sense that meat, too, can be uber-processed (how are most meat-based burgers more 'real' than most vegetarian burgers?). Sure, there are Kobe burgers, but there are also home-made black bean burgers. But commercial burgers of any kind are processed, packaged, and often full of nasty ingredients. I see fake meat as (1) the dietary equivalent of methadone; and (2) an occasional convenience food. And Kelly Freston acknowledges that. If you haven't watched Mark Bittman's talk, which she links to, please do.
A new, thought-provoking Gaughin exhibit opens at the National Gallery.
You can officially, empirically tell people to stop whining about liberal academe.
This quote reminds me of the 'I'm not a feminist, but..." antics characterizing generations of younger women. It's like, I don't give a f* about anyone else--I'm not one of those tiresome agitators--but I'm going to take a stand against fracking because it makes my family sick. Were that not the case, my attitude may well be 'drill, baby drill.
“I’m not an activist, an alarmist, a Democrat, environmentalist or anything like that,” Ms. Gant said. “I’m just a person who isn’t able to manage the health of my family because of all this drilling.”Look no further than Virginia for the kind of assault on women's rights that can be legislated when people start taking those rights for granted.
So, if the problem is seniority--and I'm not suggesting that seniority-based systems aren't a problem--why is that also necessarily a problem with collective bargaining? What get lots in funding cuts: views from Ken Burns and others. Also: Frank Rich on everything.
Ernessa, thank you for this, which I just saw. Much to comment on, in detail at some point. Guys do love the Malcolm Gladwell. I sometimes enjoy reading his work, sometimes tolerate it, and always find myself wishing he would get away from sports analogies. But your larger point is, reading matters. Reading the news matters, for sure, but I also find that reading fiction matters. Have you ever read "Smilla's Sense of Snow," or whatever it was called when it was published here, by Peter Hoeg? There's a line where she, or the narrator, says she just doesn't get people who don't read, and who proudly proclaim as much. She adds, it's like they're proclaiming that the world has nothing to teach them. Anyway, with regard to not reading fiction, I find a sort of stunted emotional intelligence there. Small sample size, but I'm just saying.
Allergies in kids are linked to low vitamin D levels. Please don't increase the amount of dairy your kids consume; get them out in the sun instead.
I'm with both Kelly Freston and Mark Bittman on this one, i.e. on the issue of fake meat. I'm with him in the sense that it's uber-processed, and with her in the sense that meat, too, can be uber-processed (how are most meat-based burgers more 'real' than most vegetarian burgers?). Sure, there are Kobe burgers, but there are also home-made black bean burgers. But commercial burgers of any kind are processed, packaged, and often full of nasty ingredients. I see fake meat as (1) the dietary equivalent of methadone; and (2) an occasional convenience food. And Kelly Freston acknowledges that. If you haven't watched Mark Bittman's talk, which she links to, please do.
A new, thought-provoking Gaughin exhibit opens at the National Gallery.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Can you guess where mom gets her news?
Mom: Where have you been all day?
A.: All over. The good news is, I have a fence.
Dad: Great! Do you like it?
A.: Yeah. It's taller than I expected, and not even on both sides because the ground isn't level, but it doesn't look wrong--I guess that happens all the time if there's an incline. They did a good job with it. It looks good.
Dad: Is it [Russian words I don't know] or [other Russian words I don't know]?
A.: I don't know what that means. I'll take a picture tomorrow when it's light out. Or you can come visit and see it in person.
Mom: That works. When are you going on your trip again?
Dad: [Laughs]
A.: [Rolls her eyes] We had this conversation yesterday.
Dad: May.
Mom: Well, so far there are no protests where you're going.
A.: Where I'm going already has relatively free elections.
Mom: That's not what the protests are about!
A.: They're not??
Mom: Of course not. They're being organized by some outside hand.
A.: If nothing else, that sounds very Middle Eastern.
Mom: I came to that conclusion independently.
A.: [Sigh]
Mom: But you're not going to any of those countries.
A.: No. There is some unease over rising food prices where I'm going...
Mom: So? Food prices are rising here, too.
A.: [Sigh]
This is analogous to when I say, "look how cute my friend's baby is" and my mother says, "so? you were a cute baby, too."
Mom: What?
A.: Food prices here are a much smaller proportion of people's income, even for most poor people. Most people here will still more or less be able to afford food. When food prices rise in very poor countries, people are shut out of food markets.
Why the f* am I explaining this to my mother? She grew up in a very poor country... during a food crisis. How does she not understand that having to pay another dollar for a package of pasta in the U.S., even for a family of four subsisting at the poverty level, is not the same as a poor family having to pay more for staple grains in any part of the developing world? This is not a rhetorical question. I am asking you: can anyone explain to me why this conversation transpired??
A.: All over. The good news is, I have a fence.
Dad: Great! Do you like it?
A.: Yeah. It's taller than I expected, and not even on both sides because the ground isn't level, but it doesn't look wrong--I guess that happens all the time if there's an incline. They did a good job with it. It looks good.
Dad: Is it [Russian words I don't know] or [other Russian words I don't know]?
A.: I don't know what that means. I'll take a picture tomorrow when it's light out. Or you can come visit and see it in person.
Mom: That works. When are you going on your trip again?
Dad: [Laughs]
A.: [Rolls her eyes] We had this conversation yesterday.
Dad: May.
Mom: Well, so far there are no protests where you're going.
A.: Where I'm going already has relatively free elections.
Mom: That's not what the protests are about!
A.: They're not??
Mom: Of course not. They're being organized by some outside hand.
A.: If nothing else, that sounds very Middle Eastern.
Mom: I came to that conclusion independently.
A.: [Sigh]
Mom: But you're not going to any of those countries.
A.: No. There is some unease over rising food prices where I'm going...
Mom: So? Food prices are rising here, too.
A.: [Sigh]
This is analogous to when I say, "look how cute my friend's baby is" and my mother says, "so? you were a cute baby, too."
Mom: What?
A.: Food prices here are a much smaller proportion of people's income, even for most poor people. Most people here will still more or less be able to afford food. When food prices rise in very poor countries, people are shut out of food markets.
Why the f* am I explaining this to my mother? She grew up in a very poor country... during a food crisis. How does she not understand that having to pay another dollar for a package of pasta in the U.S., even for a family of four subsisting at the poverty level, is not the same as a poor family having to pay more for staple grains in any part of the developing world? This is not a rhetorical question. I am asking you: can anyone explain to me why this conversation transpired??
Phone call
A.: I just talked to M. She's fine--she's out of the hospital and her operation is in two weeks.
Mom: I know, I talked to E. She gave me the details, and told me about her useless, ungrateful kids. From what I understand, they're even worse than you are.
A.: [Shrug]
Mom gets one of those in from time to time--a dig from out of nowhere. Like, "they're such wonderful people--so warm and welcoming. Everything unlike you." I don't really understand what she gets out of it, or how she manages to complain that I don't call often enough (really?) and in no way connects her nastiness to that. Which is fair enough; I don't actually not call because I don't want to deal with mom. I don't not call. It's actually amazing that I don't call less because I don't want to deal with mom.
A.: I tried to access your subscription on the Better Homes and Gardens website. It said that your subscription had been canceled.
Mom: Oh, that's because it's 'Good Housekeeping.'
A.: [shakes head]
Mom: I guess I'll write them.
A.: Or just call them.
Mom: I want to express how unfair their practice is.
A.: Or you could just get them to stop billing you.
Mom: I know, I talked to E. She gave me the details, and told me about her useless, ungrateful kids. From what I understand, they're even worse than you are.
A.: [Shrug]
Mom gets one of those in from time to time--a dig from out of nowhere. Like, "they're such wonderful people--so warm and welcoming. Everything unlike you." I don't really understand what she gets out of it, or how she manages to complain that I don't call often enough (really?) and in no way connects her nastiness to that. Which is fair enough; I don't actually not call because I don't want to deal with mom. I don't not call. It's actually amazing that I don't call less because I don't want to deal with mom.
A.: I tried to access your subscription on the Better Homes and Gardens website. It said that your subscription had been canceled.
Mom: Oh, that's because it's 'Good Housekeeping.'
A.: [shakes head]
Mom: I guess I'll write them.
A.: Or just call them.
Mom: I want to express how unfair their practice is.
A.: Or you could just get them to stop billing you.
Saturday morning roundup
Vietnam is not free.
The Secretary of Defense tells West Point not to ever get involved in a land war in Asia.
Why should children's lives matter as much once the children are actually born? What kind of logic is that?
Wow--the connection is official: Egyptians, among others, are donating funds to keep the Wisconsin protesters fed. Also: Milbank parses the prank call.
A gay social secretary makes so much sense.
The Onion on DOMA.
The Secretary of Defense tells West Point not to ever get involved in a land war in Asia.
Why should children's lives matter as much once the children are actually born? What kind of logic is that?
Wow--the connection is official: Egyptians, among others, are donating funds to keep the Wisconsin protesters fed. Also: Milbank parses the prank call.
A gay social secretary makes so much sense.
The Onion on DOMA.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday evening ramble
The power went out just as I was leaving the house this morning. There was surprising order on Route 1, given the absence of functioning traffic lights; cars were voluntarily stopping to let each other go by, and to let me cross. When I got off the metro in the afternoon, I was thrilled to see the traffic lights lit, an indicator that the city had gotten its power back. The wind here, and in DC, was fierce. On my walk home from the metro, I asked a woman sweeping glass out of her car whether someone had broken in, but she said it was the wind that did the breaking, and pointed to a couple of other cars in the same situation. I came home to my car windows beautifully intact, but there was a massive branch that had fallen right in front of my back door--just where I'd stand to turn the key. A few feet away, a lawn chair had picked up and turned over. Gracie keeps asking to go out, but I'm afraid she wouldn't withstand the wind. She's not that heavy, or, at least I'm not willing to find out.
***
I had dinner the other night with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. When I got to the restaurant, which was pretty empty at the time, I thought I saw him, already at a table, except I was thrown because the person at the table had facial hair, and my friend had none the last time I saw him. I told him as much when I was sure it was him. He told me he wasn't convinced it was a good look for him, but he'd tried it for a fundraiser and got hooked on the ease of not shaving. I shrugged, didn't have an opinion one way or another--just hadn't recognized him because of the new look.
Later, he'd mentioned that he'd read my blog over the holidays, and thought mom's behavior--the harping on the weight gain--had bordered on mean-beyond-funny. I said that it was past the point where the content of the harping bothered me; it was the harping itself. I told him it would be as if the first thing I'd said to him, upon not seeing him for half a year, was "that beard doesn't work for you." Our dinner conversation might go something like this:
G.: What are you thinking of ordering?
A.: That beard doesn't work for you.
G.: Right, you've said that. This pad thai looks good.
A.: No, really--that beard doesn't work for you.
G.: Um...
[Pause]
A.: That beard doesn't work for you.
G.: [Shrug]
A.: I wonder why you're keeping the beard, when it clearly doesn't work on you.
G.: Well, for one thing, my wife doesn't mind it.
A.: She's just being polite.
And so on.
***
I had dinner the other night with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. When I got to the restaurant, which was pretty empty at the time, I thought I saw him, already at a table, except I was thrown because the person at the table had facial hair, and my friend had none the last time I saw him. I told him as much when I was sure it was him. He told me he wasn't convinced it was a good look for him, but he'd tried it for a fundraiser and got hooked on the ease of not shaving. I shrugged, didn't have an opinion one way or another--just hadn't recognized him because of the new look.
Later, he'd mentioned that he'd read my blog over the holidays, and thought mom's behavior--the harping on the weight gain--had bordered on mean-beyond-funny. I said that it was past the point where the content of the harping bothered me; it was the harping itself. I told him it would be as if the first thing I'd said to him, upon not seeing him for half a year, was "that beard doesn't work for you." Our dinner conversation might go something like this:
G.: What are you thinking of ordering?
A.: That beard doesn't work for you.
G.: Right, you've said that. This pad thai looks good.
A.: No, really--that beard doesn't work for you.
G.: Um...
[Pause]
A.: That beard doesn't work for you.
G.: [Shrug]
A.: I wonder why you're keeping the beard, when it clearly doesn't work on you.
G.: Well, for one thing, my wife doesn't mind it.
A.: She's just being polite.
And so on.
Friday morning roundup
The Middle East's monarchies are more stable than the full-out dictatorships, but in any case, it's wise not to take sides.
Marcus on Huckabee on DOMA.
Marcus on Huckabee on DOMA.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday evening roundup
Some of these protest signs are truly awesome.
Eewwww! No my cat does not pee on the toaster oven, but if you have mice pooping in yours, you have bigger problems.
Eewwww! No my cat does not pee on the toaster oven, but if you have mice pooping in yours, you have bigger problems.
Phone call
I don't get snippy just because mom calls me with a customer service issue. Or because she wants to recruit me into a completely unnecessary, disproportionate response to the customer service issue--one more concerned with making a statement than resolving the issue at hand. Or because she tends to have these issues when I'm especially tired and busy.
It's when she gets in the way of resolving the issue that I lose it.
I hate to be a guy in this way--I'm really good at listening to my friends just to listen, without offering potential solutions--but mom is after solutions. She's not just calling me to kvetch; she wants me to get her out of whatever issue (or in this case, non-issue) she's gotten herself into.
Mom called over the weekend to tell me that Better Homes and Gardens has once again sent her a bill. She called again tonight to say they've sent her an issue. I've continued to reiterate that they can't really do that and that she doesn't have to pay them, and she's making an issue out of something that could be resolved with a phone call.
Mom: But there's no phone number!
A.: Of course there is. But it's fine--send me your information (subscriber number, etc.) and I'll take care of it.
Mom: And they raised the price, too!
A.: THAT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE PAYING THEM.
So my outburst might be better suited to small caps than all caps--it wasn't very angry. It was more like, 'stop providing irrelevant information and give me what I need to cancel your subscription.'
It's when she gets in the way of resolving the issue that I lose it.
I hate to be a guy in this way--I'm really good at listening to my friends just to listen, without offering potential solutions--but mom is after solutions. She's not just calling me to kvetch; she wants me to get her out of whatever issue (or in this case, non-issue) she's gotten herself into.
Mom called over the weekend to tell me that Better Homes and Gardens has once again sent her a bill. She called again tonight to say they've sent her an issue. I've continued to reiterate that they can't really do that and that she doesn't have to pay them, and she's making an issue out of something that could be resolved with a phone call.
Mom: But there's no phone number!
A.: Of course there is. But it's fine--send me your information (subscriber number, etc.) and I'll take care of it.
Mom: And they raised the price, too!
A.: THAT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE PAYING THEM.
So my outburst might be better suited to small caps than all caps--it wasn't very angry. It was more like, 'stop providing irrelevant information and give me what I need to cancel your subscription.'
Thursday morning roundup
Whether the Administration actually has a Middle East policy is a fair question. Not suggesting it's preferable to speak loudly when you've only a small stick; not suggesting there's not virtue in behind-the-scenes policy execution. I'm just saying it's a fair question.
The worst things about these scams is that no one will listen when someone genuinely needs help. John Kelly's right about needing to be better about carrying cash--I was shocked that the hospital garage only took cash (really?). But there will always be situations where someone's in genuine need. I remember I was back in Boston and I was supposed to call my parents when I got to the nearest T stop, which was an hour's walk away, and it was brutally hot. I had no change, and my cell phone had died. I stopped into a local shop and asked if I could use their phone for a local call, and they very coldly refused. I mean, how could that possibly have been a scam? I wasn't asking for money. I hope they feel good about themselves: I had to walk home.
Gail Collins explains the budget stalemate with a Star Trek analogy.
McDonald's is an amazing place. They've magically turned oatmeal into junk food.
The worst things about these scams is that no one will listen when someone genuinely needs help. John Kelly's right about needing to be better about carrying cash--I was shocked that the hospital garage only took cash (really?). But there will always be situations where someone's in genuine need. I remember I was back in Boston and I was supposed to call my parents when I got to the nearest T stop, which was an hour's walk away, and it was brutally hot. I had no change, and my cell phone had died. I stopped into a local shop and asked if I could use their phone for a local call, and they very coldly refused. I mean, how could that possibly have been a scam? I wasn't asking for money. I hope they feel good about themselves: I had to walk home.
Gail Collins explains the budget stalemate with a Star Trek analogy.
McDonald's is an amazing place. They've magically turned oatmeal into junk food.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday morning roundup
Steve Pearlstein on Wisconsin.
An environmental novel from T. Coraghessan Boyle, and a new book on Russia and mothers from Elena Gorokhova.
Dana Milbank on Rush Limbaugh and other critics of the First Lady's, including those on the left. People just can't seem to grasp that her making suggestions about food and nutrition does not amount to directing the way people eat, or that she's not preaching nutritional purism. I understand people's sensitivity about being told what to eat (see my ramble from yesterday, or my posts from over the holidays), but let's just all take a deep breath and approach Mrs. Obama's efforts with less sensitivity and more reason.
An environmental novel from T. Coraghessan Boyle, and a new book on Russia and mothers from Elena Gorokhova.
Dana Milbank on Rush Limbaugh and other critics of the First Lady's, including those on the left. People just can't seem to grasp that her making suggestions about food and nutrition does not amount to directing the way people eat, or that she's not preaching nutritional purism. I understand people's sensitivity about being told what to eat (see my ramble from yesterday, or my posts from over the holidays), but let's just all take a deep breath and approach Mrs. Obama's efforts with less sensitivity and more reason.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Another sign of journalism on the decline
I don't blame the Post for running fluff pieces on the royal wedding, although my issue here is that the article could have been so much more interesting. But here's what gets me: "They are speaking Czech, or Hungarian, maybe - some Eastern European language with harsh consonants and rolled R's."
Hungarian is not really an Eastern European language. It sounds nothing like Czech and behaves nothing like Czech.
Sorry. That $hit really irks me.
Hungarian is not really an Eastern European language. It sounds nothing like Czech and behaves nothing like Czech.
Sorry. That $hit really irks me.
Tuesday evening ramble
Nothing Rush Limbaugh says should surprise us in its disgustingness, but this is just sad.
I wasn't going to link to this, because frankly, it's annoying. It's blah. It's not really worth your time. And not just because I thought Tracy McMillan's HuffPo piece (linked yesterday or over the weekend) was tongue-in-cheek. But there are a couple of unrelated reasons for which I am linking to that response:
(1) I caught up on TV over the weekend, and found that two of my favorite shows--"30 Rock" and "How I Met Your Mother"--offered remarkably unflattering portrayals of single women. Both shows were nonetheless funny, and neither offended or threatened me, perhaps because I don't see myself as the 'spinster' they're mocking. I have yet to show up to work in a sweatsuit, or don a fanny pack, or rename my cat 'Emily Dickinson.' I am not frumpy. In fact, I often marvel at women (or people) who have let themselves go, and quite often, they're married. Now, that's what the dating consultants call a 'limiting preconception'--you're blocking yourself from a committed relationship, because deep inside, you're concerned that you might become one of those frumps. But I'm not. I know lots of quite stylish married women. But I digress. I'm not threatened by either of those episodes, but I find the portrayals to be cheap thoughts. Which is what sitcoms are for.
(2) The very response to TM's piece reminds me of a conversation I recently had over lunch, and another that happened on this blog. Let the thrice-divorced writer go on about what she thinks might be wrong with you if you're not married, and let it go. Who cares? I saw her column as anything but an invitation to get defensive and assert why you're different--why you're a perfectly nice unmarried person. Who the f* cares? There probably are things about me that keep me from a committed relationship (see 'limiting preconceptions' above), and there are plenty of things wrong with people who are in committed relationships. I just don't feel the need to defend/assert myself.
But some people feel the need to defend/assert themselves in the face of other people's life's choices and situations, even when the situation is presented neutrally, i.e., not as a value statement.
My mother is an extreme example of this: I mention, for example, that I don't keep cocktail sauce in my house, she interprets that as "you're telling me I shouldn't keep cocktail sauce in my house!" I'm not even talking about the Palinism of taking a reasonable statement and reducing it to an extreme; this is simpler than that--it's taking anything one says as something they do as a judgment, i.e. a statement that everyone should do it that way.
The thing is, I've found a number of people who are not my mother feeling the need to 'defend' their carnivorism, even when I don't do anything, to my knowledge, to put them on the defensive. Last week, I was having lunch with a coworker at a conference. I was trying to find a sandwich that was vegan or at least vegetarian, so I mentioned, as we commented on the sandwiches available, that I didn't eat meat. My coworker said, "Oh. I eat meat... because I do." It wasn't a strong statement or a particularly defensive one, but I thought it was odd that she said it at all. I guess I was more in the mindframe where her response might have been, "I don't want the turkey because I hate the taste of turkey," so her actual response through me.
Point being, I regularly find myself in situations where it's appropriate to explain (though not assert) my vegetarianism/veganism. I'm having dinner tomorrow night with a friend I've not seen in a while; it looks like we'll go out for Thai, but if not, I'm going to be in a position to talk about being vegan. When I say, "I don't eat meat" or "I don't eat animal products," I don't say it with an unsaid follow-on of "...and neither should you." You know by now that I find "you should" statements annoying and counterproductive.
There is one exception to the above: yesterday, I went to see a very close friend who was hospitalized with pancreatitis. It was gut-level, or maybe heart-level, painful to see this wonderful person so weak and so clobbered by physical pain. For not the first time in my life, I felt that I'd failed a friend by being too unpushy, too hands-off of her life. Then again, I also know that people will do what they will do, and being pushy will rarely get you anywhere unless the person is ready. At this point, my pained friend was ready. It's not as if the symptoms of obesity were ever only academic until now, but at this moment they were more stark than ever. So I told her I would help her give up animal products, and she agreed.
But I digress, again.
My point in all this isn't about animal products; it's about feeling the need to respond. Reading that response to the HuffPo piece makes me shrug; so TM thinks you're a bitch or a slut. Who cares? Unless you perceive some truth in that, whatever "that" means, let it go. So I mention that I don't eat animal products. I didn't say, "I don't eat animal products, therefore I am a better person." In fact, I don't eat animal products, but I verbally abuse my cat every day because she's a whiny little $hit and I don't know how else to deal with her. I'm just sayin'.
I wasn't going to link to this, because frankly, it's annoying. It's blah. It's not really worth your time. And not just because I thought Tracy McMillan's HuffPo piece (linked yesterday or over the weekend) was tongue-in-cheek. But there are a couple of unrelated reasons for which I am linking to that response:
(1) I caught up on TV over the weekend, and found that two of my favorite shows--"30 Rock" and "How I Met Your Mother"--offered remarkably unflattering portrayals of single women. Both shows were nonetheless funny, and neither offended or threatened me, perhaps because I don't see myself as the 'spinster' they're mocking. I have yet to show up to work in a sweatsuit, or don a fanny pack, or rename my cat 'Emily Dickinson.' I am not frumpy. In fact, I often marvel at women (or people) who have let themselves go, and quite often, they're married. Now, that's what the dating consultants call a 'limiting preconception'--you're blocking yourself from a committed relationship, because deep inside, you're concerned that you might become one of those frumps. But I'm not. I know lots of quite stylish married women. But I digress. I'm not threatened by either of those episodes, but I find the portrayals to be cheap thoughts. Which is what sitcoms are for.
(2) The very response to TM's piece reminds me of a conversation I recently had over lunch, and another that happened on this blog. Let the thrice-divorced writer go on about what she thinks might be wrong with you if you're not married, and let it go. Who cares? I saw her column as anything but an invitation to get defensive and assert why you're different--why you're a perfectly nice unmarried person. Who the f* cares? There probably are things about me that keep me from a committed relationship (see 'limiting preconceptions' above), and there are plenty of things wrong with people who are in committed relationships. I just don't feel the need to defend/assert myself.
But some people feel the need to defend/assert themselves in the face of other people's life's choices and situations, even when the situation is presented neutrally, i.e., not as a value statement.
My mother is an extreme example of this: I mention, for example, that I don't keep cocktail sauce in my house, she interprets that as "you're telling me I shouldn't keep cocktail sauce in my house!" I'm not even talking about the Palinism of taking a reasonable statement and reducing it to an extreme; this is simpler than that--it's taking anything one says as something they do as a judgment, i.e. a statement that everyone should do it that way.
The thing is, I've found a number of people who are not my mother feeling the need to 'defend' their carnivorism, even when I don't do anything, to my knowledge, to put them on the defensive. Last week, I was having lunch with a coworker at a conference. I was trying to find a sandwich that was vegan or at least vegetarian, so I mentioned, as we commented on the sandwiches available, that I didn't eat meat. My coworker said, "Oh. I eat meat... because I do." It wasn't a strong statement or a particularly defensive one, but I thought it was odd that she said it at all. I guess I was more in the mindframe where her response might have been, "I don't want the turkey because I hate the taste of turkey," so her actual response through me.
Point being, I regularly find myself in situations where it's appropriate to explain (though not assert) my vegetarianism/veganism. I'm having dinner tomorrow night with a friend I've not seen in a while; it looks like we'll go out for Thai, but if not, I'm going to be in a position to talk about being vegan. When I say, "I don't eat meat" or "I don't eat animal products," I don't say it with an unsaid follow-on of "...and neither should you." You know by now that I find "you should" statements annoying and counterproductive.
There is one exception to the above: yesterday, I went to see a very close friend who was hospitalized with pancreatitis. It was gut-level, or maybe heart-level, painful to see this wonderful person so weak and so clobbered by physical pain. For not the first time in my life, I felt that I'd failed a friend by being too unpushy, too hands-off of her life. Then again, I also know that people will do what they will do, and being pushy will rarely get you anywhere unless the person is ready. At this point, my pained friend was ready. It's not as if the symptoms of obesity were ever only academic until now, but at this moment they were more stark than ever. So I told her I would help her give up animal products, and she agreed.
But I digress, again.
My point in all this isn't about animal products; it's about feeling the need to respond. Reading that response to the HuffPo piece makes me shrug; so TM thinks you're a bitch or a slut. Who cares? Unless you perceive some truth in that, whatever "that" means, let it go. So I mention that I don't eat animal products. I didn't say, "I don't eat animal products, therefore I am a better person." In fact, I don't eat animal products, but I verbally abuse my cat every day because she's a whiny little $hit and I don't know how else to deal with her. I'm just sayin'.
Tuesday morning roundup
North Korea is starving, including its military.
How the revolutions of the Middle East are not like those of Europe.
I don't underestimate the power of individual stories, but it's important to stay focused on the overall crisis (treacherous migrant journeys, particularly by children) rather than just the charismatic poster child (although it's great that he's safe, etc.).
Fairfax County's zero tolerance policy has blood on its hands.
Poachers threaten the Chesapeake, and legal fishermen.
The departed Lion-of-the-Senate's canine intern.
How the revolutions of the Middle East are not like those of Europe.
I don't underestimate the power of individual stories, but it's important to stay focused on the overall crisis (treacherous migrant journeys, particularly by children) rather than just the charismatic poster child (although it's great that he's safe, etc.).
Fairfax County's zero tolerance policy has blood on its hands.
Poachers threaten the Chesapeake, and legal fishermen.
The departed Lion-of-the-Senate's canine intern.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Monday morning roundup
Can Tunisia remain a "land of beer and bikinis"?
Russian activists ask that world leaders quit with the warm fuzzies and hold the Russian government accountable.
Predator fish are at significant risk, and I'm going to try to go vegan again, at least at home. I think it was something else, rather than protein deficiency, that had thrown me earlier. And it's not just because plant-based diets make you happier.
If the government shuts down, things don't get done, people don't get paid, and the elephant poop piles up at the Zoo. Glad I don't live in Woodley Park.
Amy Chua is trying to market herself as a Chinese David Sedaris.
Some Montgomery County residents have learned that they're legally obligated to let their backyards revert to nature.
Russian activists ask that world leaders quit with the warm fuzzies and hold the Russian government accountable.
Predator fish are at significant risk, and I'm going to try to go vegan again, at least at home. I think it was something else, rather than protein deficiency, that had thrown me earlier. And it's not just because plant-based diets make you happier.
If the government shuts down, things don't get done, people don't get paid, and the elephant poop piles up at the Zoo. Glad I don't live in Woodley Park.
Amy Chua is trying to market herself as a Chinese David Sedaris.
Some Montgomery County residents have learned that they're legally obligated to let their backyards revert to nature.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Matching appreciation
This has been my weekend to catch up on house stuff (and yard stuff starting today: it was just too windy yesterday). I opted to give Pandora a break and listen to some spoken-word, and on came this relationship consultant. Most of what she said didn't make a lot of sense to me, but one concept really, really clicked. She talked about figuring out what you have to give and want to give in a relationship, as well as what you want out of a relationship, and then figuring out whether that matches with what the other person wants to receive, and what they have to give. Otherwise, there's a disconnect, and people feel unappreciated even though they are giving.
What was remarkable was that she went on to provide examples that were straight out of my roommate saga.
Now, I have moved on from the roommate saga. To be clear, I'm still sufficiently scarred so as to not even think about getting another roommate, regardless of the pay freeze and threat of government shutdown (and the rise in property taxes that has added nearly $200 to my monthly payment). That said, roommate is but an annoying memory. Nonetheless, when a situation begs for a roommate-based analysis, I'm not going to walk away from it.
She--Alison Armstrong--went on to say that, for example, you may love to surprise people, but for some people, surprises are a nightmare. RM loved to surprise me--it wasn't so much a nightmare as, I don't give a f* about the things you think are going to surprise me, like seeing you in your whites. I think surprises can be awesome when they work, or presumptuous when you don't know someone well enough to make sure that whatever the substance of the surprise is works for them. RM also missed the mark with gifts--especially after I specifically asked him to stop giving me gifts. There he was, expecting appreciation, and demonizing me for not rendering any, and there was I, wishing he'd stop giving me stuff. The only gift I wanted was to be left alone, and that was the one thing he was unwilling to give. Am I succeeding in making my point? The issue isn't RM's cluelessness, but that disconnect that develops when someone refuses to understand that another doesn't want what he is trying to give.
Another example that AA gave was, you may love to share home-cooked meals with people you love, but your partner just likes restaurants. It's not just a shared interest thing; there's going to be a deeper fault in the relationship because one party will be unable to give.
Anyway, her talk brought to mind a couple of other scenarios, one years-old and one recent. I think I've written about this guy I kind-of dated many years ago who really, really wanted to help me carry my groceries. Even though I was the one with the car. And was otherwise quite happy to carry my groceries on my own. Now that I think about it in the context of what this woman is saying, other elements of that 'relationship' make sense--there were other times where he was very insistent in offering to do things that were very unappealing to me (such as drive my car back to my house the next day so I could drink more at the party we were at), and his insistence would just infuriate me, because I felt that he wasn't listening.
On a less intense note, I've continued to collect fence-building estimates, and the range is actually impressive--the two highest are twice as high as the lowest. But I digress. The very professional gentleman who provided the highest bid emphatically informed me that the foreman of his crew speaks English. Which is not a bad thing to figure your customers might care about; it just happens that I don't. Similarly, there's nothing inherently good or bad about the specifics of what any person might want to give (well, the pearl earrings that RM tried to give me were inappropriate, but that's a bad example). It's more an issue of being open to the fact that what one sees as a wonderful gift may not be what another wants (conversely, one may be utterly blind to simpler things that another really wants). And pushing for the other person to appreciate something just because you're giving it--and I'm not talking here about one-time, material gifts, in which case you should just appreciate them, provided they are appropriate, because they are given. On the level of the Gifts that one brings to a relationship--home-cooked meals, housework, financial security, etc.--it's so important to make sure that both people in that relationship are happy to receive what the other is willing and able to give.
What was remarkable was that she went on to provide examples that were straight out of my roommate saga.
Now, I have moved on from the roommate saga. To be clear, I'm still sufficiently scarred so as to not even think about getting another roommate, regardless of the pay freeze and threat of government shutdown (and the rise in property taxes that has added nearly $200 to my monthly payment). That said, roommate is but an annoying memory. Nonetheless, when a situation begs for a roommate-based analysis, I'm not going to walk away from it.
She--Alison Armstrong--went on to say that, for example, you may love to surprise people, but for some people, surprises are a nightmare. RM loved to surprise me--it wasn't so much a nightmare as, I don't give a f* about the things you think are going to surprise me, like seeing you in your whites. I think surprises can be awesome when they work, or presumptuous when you don't know someone well enough to make sure that whatever the substance of the surprise is works for them. RM also missed the mark with gifts--especially after I specifically asked him to stop giving me gifts. There he was, expecting appreciation, and demonizing me for not rendering any, and there was I, wishing he'd stop giving me stuff. The only gift I wanted was to be left alone, and that was the one thing he was unwilling to give. Am I succeeding in making my point? The issue isn't RM's cluelessness, but that disconnect that develops when someone refuses to understand that another doesn't want what he is trying to give.
Another example that AA gave was, you may love to share home-cooked meals with people you love, but your partner just likes restaurants. It's not just a shared interest thing; there's going to be a deeper fault in the relationship because one party will be unable to give.
Anyway, her talk brought to mind a couple of other scenarios, one years-old and one recent. I think I've written about this guy I kind-of dated many years ago who really, really wanted to help me carry my groceries. Even though I was the one with the car. And was otherwise quite happy to carry my groceries on my own. Now that I think about it in the context of what this woman is saying, other elements of that 'relationship' make sense--there were other times where he was very insistent in offering to do things that were very unappealing to me (such as drive my car back to my house the next day so I could drink more at the party we were at), and his insistence would just infuriate me, because I felt that he wasn't listening.
On a less intense note, I've continued to collect fence-building estimates, and the range is actually impressive--the two highest are twice as high as the lowest. But I digress. The very professional gentleman who provided the highest bid emphatically informed me that the foreman of his crew speaks English. Which is not a bad thing to figure your customers might care about; it just happens that I don't. Similarly, there's nothing inherently good or bad about the specifics of what any person might want to give (well, the pearl earrings that RM tried to give me were inappropriate, but that's a bad example). It's more an issue of being open to the fact that what one sees as a wonderful gift may not be what another wants (conversely, one may be utterly blind to simpler things that another really wants). And pushing for the other person to appreciate something just because you're giving it--and I'm not talking here about one-time, material gifts, in which case you should just appreciate them, provided they are appropriate, because they are given. On the level of the Gifts that one brings to a relationship--home-cooked meals, housework, financial security, etc.--it's so important to make sure that both people in that relationship are happy to receive what the other is willing and able to give.
Phone call
My mother is hilarious
Yesterday
Mom: What were you doing?
A.: Just now?
Mom: You let the phone ring!
A.: I was scooping out the litter box. I just switched to flushable litter...
Mom: What a waste of water!
A.: It's much more sustainable than throwing all that clay in the trash!
Mom: No! It uses too much water.
A.: To be clear, I don't scoop it out and flush it every time she goes. Not that it matters.
Mom: You should feed her differently.
A.: She would still poop, mom.
Dad: Unless you stopped feeding her ;).
A.: That is an option. Except it's not, because I couldn't handle any more whining.
Mom: You could compost it.
A.: I'm not sure cat poop is best for one's garden.
Dad: No, but you could bury it once the ground softens. Not necessarily all in one place.
A.: Could we talk about something else now, please?
Dad: Do you have Monday off? I just found out that I have Monday off.
A.: I suggested a while ago that you come visit this weekend. It's my first non-headless-chicken weekend in ages.
Mom: We'll visit another weekend.
A.: When's your knee operation?
Mom: End of March. But we could come before then.
A.: Well, let's wait until you can walk easily.
Mom: When are you traveling? April?
Dad: May. She'll be away for her birthday.
[Expect the 'when are you traveling?' conversation to repeat regularly over the next couple of months]
Mom: It's going to be hot.
A.: Of course it is. That's why the cost of the trip fell within my price range.
Mom: How long are you going for?
A.: Nine days.
Mom: That doesn't make sense.
Dad: It's really not a good use of travel time.
A.: I realize that, but it's what's feasible in terms of finances and taking time off work.
Mom: No. You should travel the way Sasha travels.
A.: Sasha is retired. And his house is paid off. I'm traveling the way I can, now.
Mom: Suit yourself.
Yesterday
Mom: What were you doing?
A.: Just now?
Mom: You let the phone ring!
A.: I was scooping out the litter box. I just switched to flushable litter...
Mom: What a waste of water!
A.: It's much more sustainable than throwing all that clay in the trash!
Mom: No! It uses too much water.
A.: To be clear, I don't scoop it out and flush it every time she goes. Not that it matters.
Mom: You should feed her differently.
A.: She would still poop, mom.
Dad: Unless you stopped feeding her ;).
A.: That is an option. Except it's not, because I couldn't handle any more whining.
Mom: You could compost it.
A.: I'm not sure cat poop is best for one's garden.
Dad: No, but you could bury it once the ground softens. Not necessarily all in one place.
A.: Could we talk about something else now, please?
Dad: Do you have Monday off? I just found out that I have Monday off.
A.: I suggested a while ago that you come visit this weekend. It's my first non-headless-chicken weekend in ages.
Mom: We'll visit another weekend.
A.: When's your knee operation?
Mom: End of March. But we could come before then.
A.: Well, let's wait until you can walk easily.
Mom: When are you traveling? April?
Dad: May. She'll be away for her birthday.
[Expect the 'when are you traveling?' conversation to repeat regularly over the next couple of months]
Mom: It's going to be hot.
A.: Of course it is. That's why the cost of the trip fell within my price range.
Mom: How long are you going for?
A.: Nine days.
Mom: That doesn't make sense.
Dad: It's really not a good use of travel time.
A.: I realize that, but it's what's feasible in terms of finances and taking time off work.
Mom: No. You should travel the way Sasha travels.
A.: Sasha is retired. And his house is paid off. I'm traveling the way I can, now.
Mom: Suit yourself.
Sunday morning roundup
Riyadh is nervous.
What revolution means for women in the Middle East, what democracy might mean for Al Qaida, and what social media does not mean for revolution.
Trade between India and Pakistan, as well as confidence-building, could be better.
Wow. Debbie Schlussel somehow managed to be more despicable than Nir Rosen. Wait, it gets even worse.
Frances Kissling writes that advocates of choice need to change course.
Frank Rich on CPAC and other politics of the week.
Wait, some conservatives are just now wondering whether Glenn Beck's gone off the deep end?
Are fewer males are actually becoming men? BTW, did you all catch the Tracy McMillan Valentine's Day piece?
Out of context, this might be the saddest statement ever:
Someone please tell my multilingual-yet-easily-distracted brain that foreign language learning is found to thwart ADD.
"His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was phenomenal. Not for the first time, watching a one-woman show, I found myself "seeing" the people she was talking to.
Gael Garcia Bernal is so hot... ahem... my point is, "Even the Rain" looks really interesting.
What revolution means for women in the Middle East, what democracy might mean for Al Qaida, and what social media does not mean for revolution.
Trade between India and Pakistan, as well as confidence-building, could be better.
Wow. Debbie Schlussel somehow managed to be more despicable than Nir Rosen. Wait, it gets even worse.
Frances Kissling writes that advocates of choice need to change course.
Frank Rich on CPAC and other politics of the week.
Wait, some conservatives are just now wondering whether Glenn Beck's gone off the deep end?
Are fewer males are actually becoming men? BTW, did you all catch the Tracy McMillan Valentine's Day piece?
Out of context, this might be the saddest statement ever:
"KFC is certainly doing better than McDonald's at becoming more Chinese," says Su Yi, 28, a lawyer, as he pauses between spoonfuls of mushroom, bacon and rice at lunch in a packed KFC opposite Beijing's Jishuitan subway station. "I have lunch at KFC twice a week because there's always one close by. And when I'm out on a date and want to impress a girl, I take her to Pizza Hut."The article does clarify, however, that
Pizza Huts in China bear even less resemblance to their Western counterparts. While a KFC in the People's Republic still looks like a Western-style fast-food restaurant, Chinese Pizza Huts are marketed as sophisticated venues for the legion of increasingly affluent and status-conscious Chinese. Seated in cushioned booths, customers can choose from a 106-item menu that includes wine and Chinese-influenced dishes, such as scallop croquettes with crushed seaweed and even French-inspired escargot.. Yesterday's fierce winds took down the National Christmas Tree.
Someone please tell my multilingual-yet-easily-distracted brain that foreign language learning is found to thwart ADD.
"His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was phenomenal. Not for the first time, watching a one-woman show, I found myself "seeing" the people she was talking to.
Gael Garcia Bernal is so hot... ahem... my point is, "Even the Rain" looks really interesting.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday morning roundup
Activism matters! Japan cut short its whale hunt.
Will Egyptian women be able to leverage their role in the revolution into lasting social and political power?
In writing about India's wishy-washy position on the Middle East protests, this journalist pushed the 'on the fence' cliche/metaphor to a new level of cringe.
By now you know that Big Bird has lost out to NASCAR, at least for now. While we're on the topic of what to invest in, Charles Blow has some more indices for us. According to Bowles and Simpson, there's still hope for budgetary sanity.
Ooh! A metaconspiracy! Karl Rove suggests birtherism is a White House plot to make the right look bad.
Spending bills, and the issues they prioritize or diminish, are often theoretical to us as individuals (I, personally, don't watch Sesame Street anymore, which is not to say I don't think it's important). Here's an issue with practical implications for me on both sides of the issue: I definitely hear the traffic coming in and out of National. And I definitely love not trekking to Dulles to be able to travel across the country.
Grist kindly requests that journalists quit manufacturing a vegan/manliness dichotomy.
Is this expose really that outlandish? I sort of sympathize, since most of the time I spend with my cat, I'm either ignoring her or telling her to shut up.
Will Egyptian women be able to leverage their role in the revolution into lasting social and political power?
In writing about India's wishy-washy position on the Middle East protests, this journalist pushed the 'on the fence' cliche/metaphor to a new level of cringe.
By now you know that Big Bird has lost out to NASCAR, at least for now. While we're on the topic of what to invest in, Charles Blow has some more indices for us. According to Bowles and Simpson, there's still hope for budgetary sanity.
Ooh! A metaconspiracy! Karl Rove suggests birtherism is a White House plot to make the right look bad.
Spending bills, and the issues they prioritize or diminish, are often theoretical to us as individuals (I, personally, don't watch Sesame Street anymore, which is not to say I don't think it's important). Here's an issue with practical implications for me on both sides of the issue: I definitely hear the traffic coming in and out of National. And I definitely love not trekking to Dulles to be able to travel across the country.
Grist kindly requests that journalists quit manufacturing a vegan/manliness dichotomy.
Is this expose really that outlandish? I sort of sympathize, since most of the time I spend with my cat, I'm either ignoring her or telling her to shut up.
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