Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Check, check, not check
Check out this article/interview in Elle by Virginia Vitzhum:
As I read the article, some things resonated, others not so much. I'd not diagnose mom with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Although...
That one is awfully close to home. But McBride "contends that narcissism is a “spectrum disorder” of widely varying intensity and that most people have some tendencies toward it."
Then, on McBride's diagnostic checklist is, “When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she or did she try to top the feelings with her own?” Check.
"The classic sins of the n-mother include constant criticism, ignoring or minimizing her daughter's feelings, and worrying about how the family looks to outsiders." Check, check, not check.
Interesting stuff, though.
Were you blessed with a narcissistic mother-- one who constantly criticized you, competed with you, and habituated you to self-loathing? Welcome to the club, says therapist Karyl McBride--and it's high time that you faced it and dealt with it.
As I read the article, some things resonated, others not so much. I'd not diagnose mom with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Although...
"According to Denver-based therapist Karyl McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, an NPD mother treats her children—daughters, especially—as extensions of herself, trampling recklessly over their psychic boundaries. She casts her daughter as an understudy or co-diva or successor and then judges her performance as harshly as the mother imagines she herself is judged. She projects onto her daughter her own issues with beauty, seductiveness, and appearance, as well as with success in relationships and careers."
That one is awfully close to home. But McBride "contends that narcissism is a “spectrum disorder” of widely varying intensity and that most people have some tendencies toward it."
Then, on McBride's diagnostic checklist is, “When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she or did she try to top the feelings with her own?” Check.
"The classic sins of the n-mother include constant criticism, ignoring or minimizing her daughter's feelings, and worrying about how the family looks to outsiders." Check, check, not check.
Interesting stuff, though.
Celebrate Constitution Day
Resolve to get your @$$ to the polls in November to boot out of office the f*ckers that have done everything in their power and beyond to trash the Constitution.
***
Quote of the Day
"Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed
just to be undecided about them."
--Laurence J. Peter
Quoted from "Wicked Problems & Social Complexity"
***
Quote of the Day
"Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed
just to be undecided about them."
--Laurence J. Peter
Quoted from "Wicked Problems & Social Complexity"
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Disappointed!
First of all, if anyone didn't get the title of this post as a reference to A Fish Called Wanda, go rent that movie now... unless you still haven't seen Idiocracy. In that case, rent that too and watch it first. Seriously. It's more relevant now than ever.
Second, how f*ing disappointing was last night's Daily Show?? After a week-long hiatus, and with so much fodder, that was the best they could do?
Speaking of disappointment, Korto's and Jerrell's final collections are kind of lame. Shockingly, Suede's looks great. Not surprisingly, Kenley's is pathetic, Joe's is quite good... and Leanne's is beautiful and on message... but is it avant-guarde enough?
***
The Post ran a beautiful appreciation of "The Elements of Style." For the record, I've always been averse to the serial comma, although I have taken it up in recent years out of peer pressure. I was taught in grade school that it was at best optional. Score one for the public school system.
Second, how f*ing disappointing was last night's Daily Show?? After a week-long hiatus, and with so much fodder, that was the best they could do?
Speaking of disappointment, Korto's and Jerrell's final collections are kind of lame. Shockingly, Suede's looks great. Not surprisingly, Kenley's is pathetic, Joe's is quite good... and Leanne's is beautiful and on message... but is it avant-guarde enough?
***
The Post ran a beautiful appreciation of "The Elements of Style." For the record, I've always been averse to the serial comma, although I have taken it up in recent years out of peer pressure. I was taught in grade school that it was at best optional. Score one for the public school system.
The hazards of thinking
This could explain it. Perhaps I'll ask my mom to put me on a chocolate diet because that's what I want.
Monday, September 15, 2008
anyone vying for the single-woman-with-cat vote?
1. What does one smoke to up with these convoluted demographics:
2. Doesn't an income of $60k put you squarely in the middle class? I realize that's just the upper boundary, but that just goes to show how meaningless that category is. Barring odd circumstances-- which, I'll admit, afflict lots of people-- you should not be saying your economic situation is fair or poor if you are making $60,000 a year, have mastered the fine art of family planning, and have a reasonable grasp of personal finance. Unless, of course, you don't have health care.
So-called Wal-Mart women, who shop at the store at least once a week, earn less than $60,000 a year, have less than a college education, and hold a poor impression of Mr. Bush; they tend to call themselves independents and say their economic situation is fair or poor, listing the economy as their prime election issue.
2. Doesn't an income of $60k put you squarely in the middle class? I realize that's just the upper boundary, but that just goes to show how meaningless that category is. Barring odd circumstances-- which, I'll admit, afflict lots of people-- you should not be saying your economic situation is fair or poor if you are making $60,000 a year, have mastered the fine art of family planning, and have a reasonable grasp of personal finance. Unless, of course, you don't have health care.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
You're still here?
I am. I set out for a bike ride, thinking I'd get over my lethargy once I warmed up, but a mile or two into it I still wasn't feeling it. So I did some yoga and proverbially picked up the paper.
The New York Times Op-ed page asked Op-Ed page asked people "whose résumés overlap with the candidates’" to discuss the qualities they’ve drawn on for their jobs as they would apply to the White House.
Rest easy, those of you who are sick of my political metablogging. While the origin of the Times' exercise was election-related, I plan to draw on it for something I do that is highly personal: writing about my family.
Contributor Mary Karr wrote about memoir writing:
Fact: My mother never set fire to anything or menaced me with weapons. She often slams doors and throws things and otherwise lets her temper get the better of her. Fact: My mother cultivated in me a sense of social responsibility and an appreciation for art and literature. She paid for and chauffeured me to art, dance, and other classes. She also, when I failed to show signs of excelling, verbally beat out of me any sense of confidence I would have developed in those areas and subsequently, for better or for worse, did her best to hammer into my head and soul the idea that I'd best channel my education and energy into making myself fit for a day job in which art or literature would have no place.
It would be simple to say that one-dimensional people are boring; I'll go as far as to say they don't exist. I'll give you this: Two-dimensional people are boring.
Very often it's the same characteristics that are at the root of one's good, bad and ugly. What makes people-- and families-- complex and imperfect is what makes them worth writing about.
Stay tuned: In less than a month, I'll head to Boston for my mother's birthday. I'll let you know what happens.
The New York Times Op-ed page asked Op-Ed page asked people "whose résumés overlap with the candidates’" to discuss the qualities they’ve drawn on for their jobs as they would apply to the White House.
Rest easy, those of you who are sick of my political metablogging. While the origin of the Times' exercise was election-related, I plan to draw on it for something I do that is highly personal: writing about my family.
Contributor Mary Karr wrote about memoir writing:
Fact: as a child, I watched my mother set fire to all my toys then menace me with a butcher knife. Fact: my mother adored me and even in our backwater town imbued me with the sensibility and curiosity to become an artist. Recreating both those facts in Technicolor strains the bounds of reason. It demands that I dig deep into my own experience, yet simultaneously view it from other angles entirely. But to demonize my mother or to deny my childhood torments would have made a shallow, dishonest memoir.
Fact: My mother never set fire to anything or menaced me with weapons. She often slams doors and throws things and otherwise lets her temper get the better of her. Fact: My mother cultivated in me a sense of social responsibility and an appreciation for art and literature. She paid for and chauffeured me to art, dance, and other classes. She also, when I failed to show signs of excelling, verbally beat out of me any sense of confidence I would have developed in those areas and subsequently, for better or for worse, did her best to hammer into my head and soul the idea that I'd best channel my education and energy into making myself fit for a day job in which art or literature would have no place.
It would be simple to say that one-dimensional people are boring; I'll go as far as to say they don't exist. I'll give you this: Two-dimensional people are boring.
Very often it's the same characteristics that are at the root of one's good, bad and ugly. What makes people-- and families-- complex and imperfect is what makes them worth writing about.
Stay tuned: In less than a month, I'll head to Boston for my mother's birthday. I'll let you know what happens.
Sunday morning roundup
On the plight of children in Haiti.
Tom Friedman is growing on me.
Frank Rich on hypocrisy.
Maureen Dowd on the limits of ignorance.
A powerful tribute to truth over wishful thinking.
Tina Fey returns to SNL:
Tom Friedman is growing on me.
Frank Rich on hypocrisy.
Maureen Dowd on the limits of ignorance.
A powerful tribute to truth over wishful thinking.
Tina Fey returns to SNL:
Saturday, September 13, 2008
That certainly is not change
We cannot afford another minute of this: Throughout her political career, she has pursued vendettas, fired officials who crossed her and sometimes blurred the line between government and personal grievance, according to a review of public records and interviews with 60 Republican and Democratic legislators and local officials.
Anti-intellectualism in America
I was just thinking something like this when Bob Herbert said it: For those who haven’t noticed, we’re electing a president and vice president, not selecting a winner on “American Idol.”. The editorial page has more on this.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Metablog
Perhaps Gail Collins is right: we need to chill the f* out.
But people also need to start getting with the program and not taking the bait, and we could do better at distinguishing facts from fiction. Check your facts. Don't fall for the contrived culture wars. But do realize what all this really means.
I've not been immune. As Mr. Herbert says, self-hatred is a terrible thing, and I'm this close to railing against white women. Especially in Northern Virginia.
But people also need to start getting with the program and not taking the bait, and we could do better at distinguishing facts from fiction. Check your facts. Don't fall for the contrived culture wars. But do realize what all this really means.
I've not been immune. As Mr. Herbert says, self-hatred is a terrible thing, and I'm this close to railing against white women. Especially in Northern Virginia.
Commemorate wisely
Please honor the victims of September 11, 2001 and their families by listening to, reading about their stories and processing the magnitude of the tragedy.
If you must politicize the attacks, be realistic in your politicization. Get in touch with the facts (for example, the overlooked Presidential Daily Intelligence Brief; the lack of any connection whatsoever with Iraq; the reality that more Americans have been killed in Iraq; the fact that attempts to undermine the Constitution have not and will not make us safer).
Demand accountability from your elected officials and candidates. Get informed and vote. Find out how they will make you safer. Don't let them exploit other people's personal tragedies for cheap political gain. Like I said yesterday, I don't like to tout Tom Friedman, but when he's right, he's right..
If you must politicize the attacks, be realistic in your politicization. Get in touch with the facts (for example, the overlooked Presidential Daily Intelligence Brief; the lack of any connection whatsoever with Iraq; the reality that more Americans have been killed in Iraq; the fact that attempts to undermine the Constitution have not and will not make us safer).
Demand accountability from your elected officials and candidates. Get informed and vote. Find out how they will make you safer. Don't let them exploit other people's personal tragedies for cheap political gain. Like I said yesterday, I don't like to tout Tom Friedman, but when he's right, he's right..
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
consequences
What goes around, comes around.
***
Not a bad start but these are better. No softballs, please.
And believe me, I hate to tout Tom Friedman, but WAKE THE F* UP, man. I will say that the Post said it better, and said it first.
See also Dionne and Robinson.
***
Not a bad start but these are better. No softballs, please.
And believe me, I hate to tout Tom Friedman, but WAKE THE F* UP, man. I will say that the Post said it better, and said it first.
See also Dionne and Robinson.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
be very afraid
I don't want to live in the Republic of Redneckia.
Please don't let it happen. Please.
I ask so little. Really. I'm asking you keep my country out of the toilet. Please.
Please don't let it happen. Please.
I ask so little. Really. I'm asking you keep my country out of the toilet. Please.
Monday, September 8, 2008
(a very worthwhile) metablog
Mmmm, Thai food and politics.
Um, 'sexy' and Russian politics don't mix.
'Sexy' and 'outer space', however...
In other news, why proper capitalization is important, why squirming is fun to watch (or read about), and why something's gotta give.
Um, 'sexy' and Russian politics don't mix.
'Sexy' and 'outer space', however...
In other news, why proper capitalization is important, why squirming is fun to watch (or read about), and why something's gotta give.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
mushrooms
A.: Hello?
Mom: Hello. So, have you recovered?
A.: Yeah, I got some rest.
Mom: Did you find... er, that?
A.: What?
Mom: You know... the cat.
A.: Yeah, she showed up.
Mom: Oh, good.
A.: I got your e-mail. You do have quite the supply of mushrooms.
Mom: Those were just one installment.
I'll send you home with some next time you visit.
A.: I'll gladly take some.
Mom: They're a good source of protein.
A.: I don't think they are.
I've let this go SO many times, but I think I've had it with mom's pop nutrition. She's been on this one for a while. I remember a doctor's appointment as a teenager where, upon being asked what I, a vegetarian, did for protein, said "mushrooms." The doctor looked at me like I was nuts. I thought he was just misinformed, such was my belief system molded in the image of my mother's.
Mom: They are. Mushrooms are a good source of protein.
A.: I'll look it up on the internet right now.
Mom: Well?
A.: Two grams per cup, raw.
Mom: Is that a lot?
A.: No.
Mom: Well, by the time they're cooked you'd eat more than a "cup, raw."
A.: Perhaps, but not that much more.
This went on for a few minutes.
Mom: Well, I'll look it up somewhere, too.
A.: Okay.
Mom: Goodnight.
A.: Goodnight.
***
August is the time of year when many in this town go on vacation and/or spend time with their families. Today I caught up with a number of people who had recently returned from time with family; most remarked on how challenging it was to stay sane for more than a few days with their relations. It's heartening to know that I'm not particularly impatient.
Mom: Hello. So, have you recovered?
A.: Yeah, I got some rest.
Mom: Did you find... er, that?
A.: What?
Mom: You know... the cat.
A.: Yeah, she showed up.
Mom: Oh, good.
A.: I got your e-mail. You do have quite the supply of mushrooms.
Mom: Those were just one installment.
I'll send you home with some next time you visit.
A.: I'll gladly take some.
Mom: They're a good source of protein.
A.: I don't think they are.
I've let this go SO many times, but I think I've had it with mom's pop nutrition. She's been on this one for a while. I remember a doctor's appointment as a teenager where, upon being asked what I, a vegetarian, did for protein, said "mushrooms." The doctor looked at me like I was nuts. I thought he was just misinformed, such was my belief system molded in the image of my mother's.
Mom: They are. Mushrooms are a good source of protein.
A.: I'll look it up on the internet right now.
Mom: Well?
A.: Two grams per cup, raw.
Mom: Is that a lot?
A.: No.
Mom: Well, by the time they're cooked you'd eat more than a "cup, raw."
A.: Perhaps, but not that much more.
This went on for a few minutes.
Mom: Well, I'll look it up somewhere, too.
A.: Okay.
Mom: Goodnight.
A.: Goodnight.
***
August is the time of year when many in this town go on vacation and/or spend time with their families. Today I caught up with a number of people who had recently returned from time with family; most remarked on how challenging it was to stay sane for more than a few days with their relations. It's heartening to know that I'm not particularly impatient.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Magic
As you may have gathered, I believe it's important to stay informed. My ability to do so often takes a wallop when away from home and sans internet access, and so it did this week, when a business trip put me at the mercy of USA Today and the cable news networks. Factor in the RNC Convention and it was a double-whammy. I kept searching for news; I flipped channels, sought out other newspapers. I caught about thirty seconds about a North Korean reactor before CNN returned to convention coverage (scratch that, punditry).
I couldn't watch much of the convention, I have my blood pressure to think about. What I did see made me very nervous. Nervous that Karl Rove would do his magic.
As that concern crossed my mind, I thought, "wait a minute... did I just use that expression? Ah, yes-- I was concerned that in my absence, Gracie would 'do her magic' on the carpet." And then I thought, it's the same kind of magic, really, except that a shat-on carpet is easy to clean up, but we cannot let Karl Rove keep shitting on the country.
***
I liked Kansas City, beyond the usual niceties you find in much of the Midwest (very friendly people, very reasonable prices on everything from farm goods to gas to houses). Even the sushi was good.
I liked Midwest Airlines, too, and not just for the cookies (and I love the cookies) and comfortable, roomy seats. There's also just less yapping, i.e. just enough yapping to convey necessary information. No videos, no self-promotion (after all, cookies and comfortable seats speak for themselves), just logistical and safety information, and the peace and quiet to read, nap and do puzzles.
Speaking of puzzles, I was a bit disappointed with Tuesday's Express (i.e. syndicated) crossword. The theme was words and phrases that contain the word "zoo" (such as 'Kalamazoo'), yet no mention of "Zoolander." That's just not right.
And speaking of "Zoolander" and other must-sees, has anybody still not seen "Idiocracy"? If so, what are you waiting for???
***
As I arrived at the hotel and unpacked, I thought, 'how nice to have this room all to myself.' My last hotel stays-- all twenty of them-- had been categorized by sharing a room with Mom... which entailed having to step over her stuff, which quickly found its way all over the floor, at every turn; being woken up whenever she felt like saying or asking something; and so on. That night, I had a dream (nightmare?) that mom had found her way into the hotel room and was making a mess. In the dream, I woke up and confronted her. I said, "everything was so neat!" But then I tried to go back to sleep but she wouldn't let me. Then I woke up for real and realized that everything was okay.
***
The cookies on the way back were even better than the ones on the way over. I think they must be laced with heroin, because I have half a mind to book another trip just to have more of them.
When I got home, I found that Gracie had indeed done her magic on the carpet. I gave her a quick shower. Then I watched the week's worth of Daily Shows, which helped ease my mind-- the other prolific crapper in question is still doing his magic, but fewer people are buying into it.
I couldn't watch much of the convention, I have my blood pressure to think about. What I did see made me very nervous. Nervous that Karl Rove would do his magic.
As that concern crossed my mind, I thought, "wait a minute... did I just use that expression? Ah, yes-- I was concerned that in my absence, Gracie would 'do her magic' on the carpet." And then I thought, it's the same kind of magic, really, except that a shat-on carpet is easy to clean up, but we cannot let Karl Rove keep shitting on the country.
***
I liked Kansas City, beyond the usual niceties you find in much of the Midwest (very friendly people, very reasonable prices on everything from farm goods to gas to houses). Even the sushi was good.
I liked Midwest Airlines, too, and not just for the cookies (and I love the cookies) and comfortable, roomy seats. There's also just less yapping, i.e. just enough yapping to convey necessary information. No videos, no self-promotion (after all, cookies and comfortable seats speak for themselves), just logistical and safety information, and the peace and quiet to read, nap and do puzzles.
Speaking of puzzles, I was a bit disappointed with Tuesday's Express (i.e. syndicated) crossword. The theme was words and phrases that contain the word "zoo" (such as 'Kalamazoo'), yet no mention of "Zoolander." That's just not right.
And speaking of "Zoolander" and other must-sees, has anybody still not seen "Idiocracy"? If so, what are you waiting for???
***
As I arrived at the hotel and unpacked, I thought, 'how nice to have this room all to myself.' My last hotel stays-- all twenty of them-- had been categorized by sharing a room with Mom... which entailed having to step over her stuff, which quickly found its way all over the floor, at every turn; being woken up whenever she felt like saying or asking something; and so on. That night, I had a dream (nightmare?) that mom had found her way into the hotel room and was making a mess. In the dream, I woke up and confronted her. I said, "everything was so neat!" But then I tried to go back to sleep but she wouldn't let me. Then I woke up for real and realized that everything was okay.
***
The cookies on the way back were even better than the ones on the way over. I think they must be laced with heroin, because I have half a mind to book another trip just to have more of them.
When I got home, I found that Gracie had indeed done her magic on the carpet. I gave her a quick shower. Then I watched the week's worth of Daily Shows, which helped ease my mind-- the other prolific crapper in question is still doing his magic, but fewer people are buying into it.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
good question
"What is up with your mother??"
Last night I had a beautiful rooftop/sunset dinner, complete with view of the National Cathedral and great conversation, which I occasionally marred with the odd mom quote. After a handful of those, sprinkled in throughout the evening, the friend of a the friend on whose roof we were dining just had to ask.
Earlier that day, mom had called.
A.: Hello?
[Pause]
Dad: Hello.
[Pause]
Dad: Mom says, "why haven't you called?"
A.: Why haven't I called? I was going to call in an hour or so.
Mom, in an angry but faint voice: Why haven't you called earlier? Why didn't you call yesterday?
I realize now that the pausing is not pausing at all. It's mom speaking through her speakerphone, for no reason except because she likes to avail herself of gadgetry, even when it does not enhance whatever she is trying to do.
A.: I didn't have time. Wendy was here, and we went to a party last night....
Mom: You don't need time! You can't take five minutes away from whatever you're doing?
A.: Five minutes?
Mom: It's not like our conversations ever last longer than five minutes.
Okay, first of all, no, I'm not going to excuse myself from a social event or a friend's short visit to call my mother, with whom I spoke on four days ago, when I can just wait a day and call her then. Second, it's when I do think I can get a quick conversation out of the way that I get in trouble, because mom starts asking me preposterous questions that annoy me all the more because I'm in a hurry to do something else. See 4th of July post.
A.: I think they often do.
Mom: You have to keep us posted.
A.: There has been no news about which to keep you posted between Wednesday night and now.
Mom then huffed for a few more minutes about my not calling. Presumably she really enjoys talking about my not calling, so I would just take that away from her if I called more often.
Last night I had a beautiful rooftop/sunset dinner, complete with view of the National Cathedral and great conversation, which I occasionally marred with the odd mom quote. After a handful of those, sprinkled in throughout the evening, the friend of a the friend on whose roof we were dining just had to ask.
Earlier that day, mom had called.
A.: Hello?
[Pause]
Dad: Hello.
[Pause]
Dad: Mom says, "why haven't you called?"
A.: Why haven't I called? I was going to call in an hour or so.
Mom, in an angry but faint voice: Why haven't you called earlier? Why didn't you call yesterday?
I realize now that the pausing is not pausing at all. It's mom speaking through her speakerphone, for no reason except because she likes to avail herself of gadgetry, even when it does not enhance whatever she is trying to do.
A.: I didn't have time. Wendy was here, and we went to a party last night....
Mom: You don't need time! You can't take five minutes away from whatever you're doing?
A.: Five minutes?
Mom: It's not like our conversations ever last longer than five minutes.
Okay, first of all, no, I'm not going to excuse myself from a social event or a friend's short visit to call my mother, with whom I spoke on four days ago, when I can just wait a day and call her then. Second, it's when I do think I can get a quick conversation out of the way that I get in trouble, because mom starts asking me preposterous questions that annoy me all the more because I'm in a hurry to do something else. See 4th of July post.
A.: I think they often do.
Mom: You have to keep us posted.
A.: There has been no news about which to keep you posted between Wednesday night and now.
Mom then huffed for a few more minutes about my not calling. Presumably she really enjoys talking about my not calling, so I would just take that away from her if I called more often.
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