Friday roundup and ramble

Divorce can happen to anyone and it's especially financially devastating to women.

Other people who have considered divorcing a parent or went through with it--including someone else whose mother suggested she would have aborted her.

***

My mother has been going on about her bear cub. The one who lives in the tree behind the backyard. There was construction (or something) and it got left behind. One day, there it was, singing and dancing with a group of kids walking home from school. It's been hanging out in the tree ever since, and when it gets warmer it will come down to find a mate. She doesn't know if it's a boy or a girl.

Mom's been keeping an eye on this bear cub for months now, and telling us about its every move. Earlier on, dad--who himself can't help but laugh occasionally--said that I should engage her on the cub. So I've tried a few times, and last night I found a way that works for me.

Mom: Poor thing. I don't envy it. It's a tough life for a little bear living in the tree.
A.: What is it about the bear cub, and not any other animal, that brings out feelings in you? Why feel for some animals, and eat others?
Mom: What? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
A.: Seriously: why do you feel for the cub and not, say, a cow or a pig?
Mom: Because they're bred for food.
A.: So? I'd hate it if somebody bred me for food.
Mom: I've met this cub. I've seen it frolic.
A.: Look at this pig frolic. Are you going to think twice about eating its family?
Mom: This conversation is ridiculous.
A.: I don't understand the double standard. Why eat some animals and take care of others?
Mom: Because you can't care about every living thing.
A.: [Shrug.]

***
I pointed out out to dad, all while figuratively knocking on wood, that mom's been on her better behavior. There were a few moments yesterday when she started ranting about things being out of place, but she mostly chilled out when dad reminded her a few times that he was supposed to be recovering from surgery and wouldn't benefit from drama. Mom usually responds to any such plea for civility with some variation on "so?" And always has. "You're tired? Big deal." She likes to have the last word, and she doesn't really care about anyone else not being in a position to deal with her.

And it's this kind of thing in the face of which I have trouble summoning my patience. I can do it when she talks about the bear cub. I can do it when she forgets what she's supposed to be eating. But, as I have in the past, I have trouble forgiving her her nastiness, inconsiderateness, and demands for attention.

Sometimes it's not fair (on my part). It wasn't fair of me to get annoyed when she tried to talk to me when I was trying to work just for a few minutes this morning. When I get annoyed at something like that, it's not for the one situation; it's for a lifetime of her demanding attention. When I got annoyed at her yesterday for dilly-dallying at this store, I was carrying the annoyance of a lifetime of her having no respect for anyone else's time. When I got annoyed at her just an hour ago for talking during a movie on TV, it was because it's out of principle and habit. "I've been watching this movie for as long as you have" and "maybe if you'll be quiet and watch, you'll find out" are things I've been saying to her my whole life. And "I don't know [who that is]. I don't know who every last person who shows up on the television is, so please stop asking me." These last TV-related things especially are things that I should and could just get over. If there are boundary issues here, they're very minor ones. There's every reason to let it go.