Souvenir from last weekend

You have two reasons to be angry with me: (1) I've waited almost a week to tell you about the funniest thing about last weekend--and it is f*ing hilarious--and (2) I'm only going to tell you, rather than post the evidence. About the delay: things were pretty crazy while my parents were here and then they were bananas at work. About the lack of video: I just can't do that to my parents. But let's get to what that is.


I'd offered to get my dad a tablet but told him that he'd have to use it, and also learn how to use it, because you can do all kinds of things with tablets (or any touch-screen device, really) if you're not careful. I accidentally subscribed to Esquire by accident on my tablet with one click, when I was managing my Elle subscription and touched the Esquire icon instead of closing the app. But when I do something like that, I realize immediately that I've done it, and I know how to undo it. My dad wouldn't necessarily figure out what had happened, nor, if he did, what to do about it. And subscribing to a magazine is really one of the least damaging things you can accidentally do with careless swiping.

In light of all that, I had my dad use my iPad while he was here so that he could get used to it and figure out how it worked. My mom responded to the tablet by demanding one immediately, and couldn't understand why they didn't already have one. Until Sunday, when they both answered that question.

It was pretty hot out, but still tolerable, and shady in the area where I needed to plant some shrubs. Dad had dug up my day lilies--it would have taken me days, but he did it in a few hours--and we bought some shrubs that morning to plant in their place. So I handed the tablet to my parents and went outside to widen the holes and plant the shrubs. I came in about an hour later, sweaty and exhausted, to find my parents sitting on the couch, still playing with the tablet.

A.: What have you found?
Dad: I don't know. But I think Jay (Skype-)called you.
A.: Huh?

I sit down next to them and pull down my alerts. Nobody called me, but my parents had sent a video message to a friend of mine (who wasn't Jay).

A.: Um, you sent a Skype video message!
Dad: How did we manage?
A.: I have no idea! What did you do?
Dad: I have no idea.

I play the message back. There they are--dad in an undershirt, mom in her favorite, ridiculous tank top--rambling about the image they see on the tablet. They don't realize it's taping; it's as if they're just looking in the mirror. It's lost in transcription and translation, but the gist follows:

Mom: You look like crap. We both look like crap.
Dad: That we do. I wouldn't let us out of the house like this.
Mom: You wouldn't?
Dad: I mean, we wouldn't get kicked off the street or anything.
Mom: Your hair is a mess.

[Dad runs his fingers through his hair.]

Mom: And your cheeks are caving in.
Dad: I should stuff my face more, to fill them out.
Mom: Wait, take off your glasses. [Pause.] That's better.
Dad: You're right... it is better without my glasses.

This went on for about three minutes. At some point, dad yawned widely, bringing the tablet closer to his face as he did so. It was pretty funny.

I promptly e-mailed the apparrent recipient of this video and begged her to delete it unwatched. I was horrified, but I think actually it may not have gone through, because I've never managed to successfully send a Skype video from the iPad.

I showed it to my parents again the next day. Dad was able to bring it up whenever mom insisted that they immediately acquire a tablet.