Grab your soul, leave your ego

I was thinking about that Facebook (and Instagram) study that I posted last night, in the context of relative privation, or its first-world corollary--Keeping up with the Joneses. The gist of the study is that Facebook makes people miserable to the extent that it feeds their insecurities about everyone else having more fun, or having more anything, for that matter. This is consistent with the universe of "happiness" research, which generally shows that focusing on what you don't have makes you miserable, while counting your blessings makes you happy. The research also shows that you have a choice in how you process information about what other people have, and your choice pretty much determines your level of happiness.

I recently read an interview with Gabby Reece--must have been in the Express but I really don't remember--in which she talks about coming to terms with aging. She talks about the freedom of not comparing herself to other (younger) women--of realizing that she's not in competition with them, and so, they're not a threat to her ego (or happiness). She goes on to say, if I remember correctly, that there will always be someone younger, prettier, thinner, etc., and you're just setting yourself up for misery if you see those people as a threat.

The same goes for everything else. There will always be someone with a newer phone or other gadget (if you care about that kind of thing, and I don't (IYCTKOTID)), or hotter car (IYCTKOTID), or bigger ring (IYCTKOTID) or a cuter or more accomplished kid (IYCTKOTID), or more money, etc., etc. It is not the responsibility of those people to pretend otherwise. They're having is (usually) not an impediment to your having. You're setting yourself up for a lot of negativity if you see other people's possessions or even achievements as a personal insult. You don't have to deny that you want them, if that's your thing (I wouldn't mind Sofia Vergara's salary, although I could give a $hit about her Birkin bags), but there's no point in resenting someone else for having. If I see photos of a fabulous vacation, I redirect my thoughts from "those bastards" to "awesome, I'd like to go there too, someday."

I am not on Facebook, not because other people's updates threaten me but because they bore me. But the entire medium seems to be a mechanism for superficial one-upping, which is such a waste of everyone's time. Here's another secret to happiness: focus on your soul, not your ego. If you're doing the things that are making you happy, who cares about one-upping anyone else?