Tuesday evening roundup

How hateful do you have to be to be hateful to a daughter at her mother's funeral?

Is it alright to appease your child for the immediate-term common good?

Monday evening roundup

This isn't the most revolutionary, full-of-content defense of the federal workforce, but it's direct and real.

What President Kennedy actually said about Church and State.

I'm not a fan of PDA, but I'll make an exception for this kiss.

Saturday morning roundup

It's not that I'm reveling in the Virginia ultrasound controversy; it's that the excuses people are making are almost as infuriating as the legislation itself: "no one, not even the bill’s sponsors, according to the aide, understood at the time that it would entail such an invasive procedure." So you're going to push legislation without understanding what it entails? Because the women whose lives it would affect are a secondary detail?

This isn't your grandmother's career ladder.

Are your other cars two Cadillacs?

Thursday evening roundup

Richard Cohen nails the VA anti-choice legislation on the head, and comes up with an excellent idea:

... that the governor and like-minded members of the legislature undergo a brain scan before voting on any legislation that affects the health and welfare of women.

So, this dude and I agree on one thing:

According to Chipotle’s Web site, the company uses only “happier” pigs. It doesn’t say how it measures a pig’s happiness, and I can’t help but picture porcine focus groups, response meters designed for the cloven of hoof. We can all agree that production methods should not cause needless suffering, but for all we know, pigs are “happier” in warm, dry buildings than they are outside. And either way, the end result is a plate.

But there's a huge but. Besides, when the hell did pork become "the world’s most essential good"? F'in really? That's about as true as most of the other assertions in the op-ed.

Finally, an article about kids in restaurants that doesn't frame it as parents against non-parents.

I have a friend who's convinced that--and regularly rants about how--women have been sold a bill of goods. That most relationship advice out there feeds them delusions to plump their egos and make it harder for them to find love. She subscribes to the Lori Gottlieb mentality. Now, you know how I feel about anyone who claims that feminism ruined her life. I wonder why--actually, I don't--it never occurred to Ms. Gottlieb that the issue wasn't feminism, but her own cluelessness and self-absorption. I'm a feminist, yet it never occurred to me to break up with someone because of his name, or for similarly petty reasons. But I digress.

I don't know that I agree that relationship advice is biased toward validation and delusion, but I agree it can be pretty f*ing bad, and the other thing I've noticed is that it's often (like some other "journalism") lacking in content. Those of you who saw the room-for-debate over the farm bill might have wondered why I didn't post it; because, nobody there said anything worth drawing attention to. It was just people opinionating, without anything to back it up. I don't turn to HuffPo for relationship advice, but I do turn to it for fluff and occasionally come upon relationship advice... and usually find it so vapid so as to make me angry. Anyway, today I came across something that made me wonder whether online relationship advice was also just designed under the assumption that people are idiots.

Wednesday evening roundup

Does it bother anyone else that Wired's Mad Men sex map fails to distinguish rape from consensual sex? There are at least two lines in there that don't fit the benign category of "consummated affairs."

Why the hell is birth control an election issue? In any case, keep making your voices heard, because it works. The governor of Virginia has relented, and so has the state Senate, apparently.

The Girls Scouts could stand to make a vegan cookie, but some of these accusations are a bit much.

There's been a lot of talk lately about how living in a democracy means sometimes you have to pay for stuff you don't believe in. Well, I don't particularly want to pay for potato chip marketing.

The Prince of Wales' book on sustainable food is apparently quite good.

Wednesday morning roundup

The conflict in Syria has taken two more journalists.

Most of Eastern Europe is now willing to revisit communist-era atrocities and other crimes.

Which candidate loves his nazi analogies.

The governor of Virginia blinks. Was it the "Really"?

Monday morning roundup

There is still misery to be had in Sudan, especially for South Sudanese.

FoxConn is adjusting its labor policies and conditions.

Wikileaks was not revolutionary.

Teaching kids self-control is crucial, but it doesn't have to be brutal. Same with bringing out every kid's unique talents.

Friday evening roundup and follow-up ramble

See the oceans of respect for the late Anthony Shadid.

You think our politics are f*ed up? Check out what this Dutch far-right party pulled. If that happens here, I'll definitely submit myself as an immigrant job-stealer.

Big dairy is afraid and pathetic.

Why and how the President might grow a pair.

You know the story but check out the tweet and the comments. You people do realize that a lot of users of birth control are married? In which case abstinence and "self-control" are even less relevant.

What is it with guys these days? Don't blame women for your hormones.

A college professor wishes her female students would broaden their horizons and write about something other than men. In related news, here's a dating advice book I would actually read. I agree that the 'blame feminism' nature of many dating books is abominable. In heart-warming dating news, a woman marries on her hundredth birthday.

This tomato thief was really confused.

***
I've updated my Tuesday ramble about gifts (and other actions) that were not only unsolicited but deliberately discouraged. Added to RM's sins the second and third gifts of chocolate, since I'd politely asked him to quit giving me chocolate (and he, of course, thought I was being coy).

Friday morning roundup

The world has lost a remarkable, irreplaceable journalist.

I don't know that we need to close-read Dana Milbank's chimichanga comment, but let's agree that describing or alluding to ethnic groups by way of stereotypical foods is generally offensive.

That said, name puns are merely tacky rather than offensive.

How culture informs but does not define.

Paul Krugman points out that the red states are awash in the "keep your government hands of my medicare" fallacy.

I wonder whether Target knows who I am or is confused because I've switched credit cards a few times.

I know it's still the week of Valentine's Day, but the oversaturation of "single in America" articles is (by definition) disproportionate. Why aren't we over it?

I don't have an opinion about swimsuit models, but I agree that calling Kate Upton fat only makes you sound like a douche bag.

I remember the handbag-as-an-investment trend and it was f*ing ridiculous.

Thursday evening roundup

Well, that guy's quite the father of the year. He only minds that his ten-year old daughter was kidnapped because she was already promised to someone else.

This is why keurig cups have always horrified me. They're an environmental disaster.

Washington state holds a CAFO accountable for the destruction it has wrought on the land, water, and air.

I donhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif't say this to be cruel, but I don't think we should be rebuilding to accommodate increasingly obese kids.

This whole thing is making me very angry, and people who don't think birth control is expensive are on crack.

Where does this poor woman live that she gets so much crap for something so basic as not changing her name?

Apparently, palm oil isn't great, but making vegan butter is easier than you'd think.

Thursday morning roundup

London is a tough job market for youth.

Check out the Economist's nifty language diversity chart.

How much federal employees actually make.

The paparazzi won't leave Jeremy Lin's grandmother alone.

Gail Collins on Congress.

Some of these anti-Valentines are awesome, some are not.

Wednesday evening roundup

Some really interesting ideas come out of Arizona.

Some videos that illuminate how Fox News thinks of women:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The Vagina Ideologues - Sean Hannity's Holy Sausage Fest
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

We discussed this yesterday: please stop lecturing vegans about health. And you should probably leave dairy out of your proposals.

Fine, don't boycott Chick-Fil-a for its politics; but keep in mind that your chicken probably isn't cruelty-free to people, either:

What war on religion?

Okay, that photo is just stupid and irrelevant. Does someone at the Post think ass-grabs are romantic?

Check out these awesome celebrity thank-you notes.

Wednesday morning roundup

It takes--not balls--but a belief in other people's stupidity, to try to rewrite history.

There are apparently benefits to my variety of ADD.

If you're feeling pain at the pump, advocate for better, expanded public transportation.

Another great video

Tuesday evening ramble-rant

I believe I'm posting Miss Manners' column on empty-handed guests for the third time, because it keeps hitting close to home. It hit again this weekend, and I'm still upset about it. I'm less upset about the bringing and most upset that I'm upset. It's not unlike when the RM gave me a set of pearl earrings for my birthday, or a couple of boxes of chocolate after I'd told him that I was cutting back; I resented the gifts, but not as much as I resented the position he put me in of feeling like crap for spurning it. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. This weekend incident also reminded me of when my mother sewed sequins on my Ivy Day dress, after I had specifically asked her not to (she'd suggested it, I said no). Then she didn't understand why I was upset, because she'd put in so much effort. Doing something that I'd specifically asked her not to do. Oh, did I tell you about the time she begged me for the address of where I was meeting a potential roommate (in Boston) so she could tell the police where to look in case I didn't come home, and I relented on the condition that she wouldn't show up, only to see her pull up at the specified location at the specified time? She was livid, having driven in the heat, her arm in a cast, when I angrily told her to leave "now".

This weekend incident was not nearly as dramatic as those events (and the person in question is cool and didn't overreact), but I'm still uneasy about it. I'm also fascinated by it because of the multiple issues in question: culture, food, etiquette. So here's what happened: I had an anti-Valentine's Day party on Saturday. I noted on the evite that people needn't bring anything, and I specifically told a friend whom I saw the Tuesday (lets call her M) before not to bring anything. I emphatically said--and her friend in the car, also coming to the party, heard me say--please. do. not. bring. food.

I ask that people not bring food for all or most of the reasons discussed in Miss Manners' column. Not only do I not want people to bother, but I take care to put together a menu of appetizers that will fit well together. I make a lot of food, and I want people to eat that food. Now, in the course of planning, a friend who likes to cook did ask whether she could use this opportunity to try to make a vegan appetizer to bring, and I said sure. She asked, I said yes. I adjusted my menu accordingly. But I just can't have random people bringing food.

As you've probably gathered, M brought food. And insisted that I serve it. I said no once. She asked again. I was about to relent, out of politeness, but asked if it was vegan. She said no, it had cheese in it. Which brings us to a whole new level of issues. Why would you bring to a party a dish that the host doesn't eat, on ethical grounds? The bigger issue is, why would you bring a dish to a party when the host specifically asked you not to. But now there's an added issue.

I don't have parties to make a point about vegan food; I have a party to entertain. However, I do like to demonstrate that you can have a complete, interesting, tasty vegan spread. That you don't need animal products to have a good set of party appetizers. So why am I going to mess with that by putting out food with cheese in it? And then I'd have to find the other vegan and lactose intolerant guests and say, "by the way, that one dish does have cheese in it."

Another note: M's friend brought donuts (from Dunkin' Donuts). But she noticed that they were out of place and unneeded, and I saw her and her friends dispatch of them out of the corner of my eye. At no point did she demand that I make room for them on the table. It was a bad idea (again, see the column), but it didn't create awkwardness for me in the end.

The non-vegan nature of the food offering(s) riled me less than the offering itself, but it did confound me. It's partly that M doesn't quite get the vegan thing. She thinks--she asked me about it when she had to lose weight (for health reasons)--that it's more about health and less about ethics, whereas it's almost entirely about ethics and incidentally about health.

Look, I am not a proselytizing vegan. If I'm out to dinner at an Afghan restaurant, I tell my carnivorous friends that the lamb is supposed to be good. I can still discuss cheese on a theoretical level, talk about how much I love(d) Gruyere and how I would eat it if I could get perfectly 'happy' Gruyere. That said, I should be able to choose what food I serve at my own house, at my own party. Right? If you want to expose people to a particular dish, throw your own damn party.

All this aside, I'm still less annoyed by the unsolicited food offering (scratch that--the food offering that I specifically requested not be brought), and by the non-vegan nature of that offering, than by the fact that I'm the one who feels like $hit about the whole thing. Yes, I could have handled it better (should have accepted it as a gift, kept it for the guys to have for breakfast), but I was in no position at the time to optimize the politeness of my response (again, see the column, specifically the part about the frazzled hostess). Yes, M meant well. Her heart was in the right place. So was RM's when he gave me the earrings. But why do I have to feel guilty about rejecting a gift that I made clear--explicitly or implicitly--would not be welcome? Miss Manners hits the nail on the head: if you just have to bring something because you think you were raised right, that's about you. You are putting your needs above those of the host. When you give something for you, you are... giving something for you. Don't then get indignant or hurt if the recipient isn't thrilled, especially if she'd previously indicated that she didn't want what you would be giving. I'll leave you with the opening paragraphs of that column:

One might suppose that Miss Manners would be charmed by the generosity of the Gentle Reader who writes, “I hate it when someone says, ‘Don’t bring anything’ to a get-together. Is it better to honor their request, or to bring something small anyway? And if I should bring it anyway (never arrive empty-handed), do you have any suggestions?”

No, and she is not all that charmed, either. If she were not terminally polite, she would reply, “Do you apply that principle to all aspects of your social life — that No means Yes?”

Tuesday evening roundup

I know I *should* love Chipotle's ad that aired during the Grammys, but I have mixed feelings. I was almost with them, until the end, when the (animated) pig acts all happy. Yes, there are more humane and sustainable ways to produce meat, but a pig bound for slaughter is not exactly the winner here. Less-bad doesn't make good. Which is why I'm not rushing out with props for McDonald's.

The idea that vegetarians/vegans are generally malnourished is idiocy, but the media often perpectuate the myth.

There are plenty of reasons to hate Valentine's Day, but even I have to admit that the google-doodle was awesome. And I can be happy for this non-traditional couple.

People spend a ton on Valentine's Day. I'm in the minority... I spent more on my cat today (in veterinary services, not gifts).

Thank you, Caroline. How can anyone be unable to find anything to do in this city on her own?

A conservative republican state senator in Washington makes a beautiful, heartfelt speech. Try listening without tearing up.

Monday evening roundup and response to comment

About the spoon-feeding study: Sure there are confounding variables and other factors, but I see it. If the kid is self-feeding, he/she's not going to eat just because there's a spoon in his/her face.

The Times points out that the Post is having issues.

I've already commented on this silliness and I will continue to argue that online dating is not only no worse than meeting someone in a bar, but somewhat better.

This article is not bad, but I have to take issue with the way age 58 is considered "never," beyond the point of no return in terms of finding love.

Stephanie Coontz assures us that there is no longer a "success penalty" for educated women. And to the extent that it lingers among some men, she points out that you don't want to date those guys anyway.

Save your money, guys, and please don't follow these three steps. If I've just met you, I don't give a $hit about what you happen to be doing at whatever hour in the afternoon. Hell, I was just telling my GH that I don't give a $hit what he's doing at whatever hour (i.e., the contents of his status updates). See Sunday's Times for confirmation that nobody cares.

Anti-Valentine's Day roundup

I don't wield this assessment lightly--perhaps you think I do, but I don't--but in this case no other assessment can be had: what a douche bag. And there's more where that came from.

Who is Shylock?

The winners of the World Press Photo contest are worth checking out.

Spoon-feeding is literally bad for your kids.

Judith Warner weighs in on the bebe debate. I'd just like to point out that this vindicates my complaints about rowdy children. Let it be said that you can no longer dismiss people who have a problem with misbehaving children as being child-haters. Here's the actual excerpt in the Journal. I've totally experienced this, where a French friend will tell her kids to be patient and amuse themselves while she's on the phone.

I couldn't help but read Warner's column without thinking of the New Yorker piece on Tyler Clementi and his tormentor. I wondered, as I read it, whether the latter's parents emphasized achievement at the expense of raising their kid to be a decent human being. His parents are going through enough right now, but I did wonder. I'm just sayin'. But on the topic of e-gay-bashing, see Charles Blow's column.

The First Lady is super stylish.

Friday morning roundup

The Spanish Supreme Court convicted Baltasar Garzon.

Since when did legislation for protection against domestic violence become controversial or partisan?

Thursday evening roundup

No one should have to be afraid to report abuse.

George Will calls out candidates of his own leaning on defense rhetoric.

How many of these (all male) detractors do you think have ever taken, much less paid for, birth control pills?

I've spent some time in France and come across a fair share of obnoxious French kids, but I think the advice on overpraising--the one thing the writer took issue with--is spot on. There's also, as the Onion points out, spanking.

Thank you, Grist! I was just thinking about this issue. It doesn't matter how locally-sourced your cabbage is, if it's merely a bed for (especially farmed) salmon. Yes, I'm talking to you, Founding Farmers, but not just you. If you don't offer decent, substantive vegetarian options, you have no claim to sustainability. Don't forget to check out the comments, some of which are ignorant as hell. The comparison is not feedlot meat vs. organic veggies; even (most) conventional plant foods are more sustainable than (most types of) meat. Grass-fed cows need more water and emit more methane than a field of conventional chickpeas. While we're on this topic, why does this other Grist columnist list veganism in the same category as showering only weekly and other such crunchiness?

Thank you, Miss Manners, for reiterating that "help" is only helpful when it's welcome.