Tea

Ernessa, we have to find you a mint that's minty enough: it is out there. Mint's my favorite. Agree that chamomile is useless. Another one of my favorites is an orange spice tea I got in Istanbul--it's running out and I'm savoring the last teaspoons.

What I don't recommend is this Lipton herbal variety pack--it's kind of artificial-tasting.

Sunday morning roundup

Is German frugality as big a Europroblem as Greek profligacy?

The nation's thinking on China could use some nuance.

Frank Rich on the increasing scariness of the country's lunatic fringe.

King counters Milbank.

Michael Kinsley's very witty take on "six ideas" for health care reform.

Really, Washington Hospital Center? I didn't realize you had devoted, experienced nurses to spare.

Airlines' "new price" bait-and-switch.

I was worried there for a minute that you were going to tell me rainbow trout was now off the sustainable list. As it turns out, its just that its history is fraught.

I've met Julianna Smoot at Smith Club events.

Best dating advice ever: be true to yourself and pay attention to any red flags.

Some friends and I were recently discussing over-the-top, ostentatious Bat Mitzvahs. Here's an example of what the rite is really about.

Saturday morning roundup

This is among the most offensive concepts I've come across in a while. The "abortion industry"?? Abortion clinics that "prey"?? A racial conspiracy??

Charles Blow faults Tyler Perry for reviving/perpetuating the myth of the crack-addicted black mother.

Religion in foreign policy: a debate.

For those of you who think sustainable agriculture and vegetarianism are a bunch of hippie crap that could have nothing to do with the way you live, consider the factory farm industry's resistance to antibiotics.

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution comes to a classroom in Huntington, WV: Perhaps my former RM could sit in.

Friday evening roundup

Gail Collins is on vacation, and in her absence, the conversation with David Brooks is highly annoying. And misguided: there are plenty of fora for cultural discourse.

Identity politics and perspectives on history are changing throughout Eastern Europe.

What not to name your kids: this edition--names perfectly normal in isolation, but horrid when combined with the last name.

On old Freakonomics post on plumbing and obesity.

Friday morning roundup

Kurtz on the Scott Brown saga and more. Pearlstein and Milbank on the health care summit.

A Minnesota doctor stands up for what's right.

A Capitol Hill couple gets a fragrant surprise delivery on their doorstep.

I've always been more of a tea person, but metaphorically, I choose the Coffee Party.

How millenial are you?

Phone call

Mom: Where were you, in this weather?
A.: I just got home from work.
Mom: Lots of work?
A.: Yeah.
Dad: Okay, the sound's off.
A.: Huh?
Dad: The TV's on. They're sweeping the floor again.
A.: What? Who?
Dad: You know, the curlers.
Mom: When are you leaving?
A.: What?
Mom: For vacation?
A.: April.
Mom: Oh, April.
A.: I sent you my itinerary.
Mom: Like I'm going to search through my e-mail!
A.: Well, you've asked me numerous times. That might be more efficient a this point.
Mom: How's the cat?
A.: Fine. She's playing.
Mom: What's she playing?
Dad: Ha.
A.: She's found or hallucinated something on the floor, and she's chasing after it.
Mom: I wonder why people find that interesting to watch.
A.: Um, I thought you liked watching cats at play as much as anyone.
Mom: I meant the curling.

Thursday morning roundup

Great quote from an interesting piece on empire:

"the past is a map, not a compass. It charts human experience, stops at the present and gives no clear sense of direction."

On black women and interracial dating.

Bike, don't drive, DC, says the city's transit chief. But how am I supposed to bike through all those snow banks, I ask you??

Wah indeed

Here's a good article with which to mark the end of my Post subscription. It's been fun, but I have to move on and read other things with my time. I'll still check the website.

Anyway, let's talk about the article: it's a piece of crap. It's pointless. This is one of those subjects for which the Post has a natural advantage over the Times, and yet they run this bull$hit? I mean, this is a fluff piece, but it's not far in quality from some of the world news stories they file--I read the headline and blurb and think, this should be interesting. And then it's not. They find interesting topics and turn them into boring articles.

Back to this one. One line struck me:

And if it's true that people covet the specific rather than the abstract, then it's one thing to hear generally about government perks... and quite another to watch your spouse telework in her pajamas during a week's worth of government snow days, watching Bravo, eating Oreos. Not that you're bitter.

Let's start with the facts: there is no such thing as teleworking and watching Bravo. Teleworking rules preclude engaging in other activities while teleworking. As for eating Oreos, one can do that at the office, too. As for teleworking, non-government employees do that, too. As for snow days, how the f* are people supposed to get to their offices if the metro's not running and the roads aren't passable?

Now for the facts that the article got right: yes, government employees have sick days. We accrue vacation days. Nothing above the standard in most of the rest of the world. Instead of trying to bring down government benefits, why not see if the private sector will match what's really not that much vacation time?

And yes, we do work long hours. It's not uncommon. There's a lot of $hit to do, and you'd miss it if it didn't get done.

Chewing

This great article about chewing was in Wendy's Food and Wine. I shared the link with a friend whose grandmother encouraged fifty bites. The article makes a great point: chewing is good. Slowing down is good. But I don't understand the study at the basis of these findings: they don't say what size serving of ice cream they offered the two groups, but I can't imagine how much ice cream it had to be such that one group took half an hour to eat it. I just don't think that's possible. I would lose my mind before taking half an hour to eat a serving of ice cream.

Wednesday evening roundup

The Sixth Seal is open. Just kidding.

Bill Clinton on Shakespeare.

Walmart becomes a player in local and organic foods.

Lori Gottlieb kind of redeems herself in this interview. I'm still not going to read her book (I have more interesting things to read), but if she means what she says she means, she has a point. I don't know if I agree with her, though, about men having lower expectations--I don't know whom she's interviewing.

Also, my fellow single women: this is not okay. Take control of your finances.

Wednesday morning roundup

Oh no we are not getting more snow. I won't have it.

French anti-smoking ads strike the wrong tone.

China's ethnic theme parks remind me of Julian Barnes' "England, England."

Perhaps the other day when I blogged about Rosetta Stone, I erred in mocking the importance of shapes.

Kathleen Parker on the RINO hunt. Jon Stewart on CPAC.

Tuesday morning roundup

I'm sorry if I got caught up in thinking I had problems. I'll stop worrying about that collapsed gate now.

There were a million people in Beijing in 1800?

Another burden we impose on those we send to war.

My state, everyone. One of our delegates expresses some "interesting" insights.

Response to comment

You know I'm going to have an (informed) opinion about this. I mean, I have a blog at least nominally about the variety of ways, and striking frequency, with which my mother tells me I'm fat.

Like Ernessa's relatives, my mom believes in telling it like it is. Incidentally, Miss Manners is not a fan of that concept, much less the blanket application thereof. She believes some things are best left unsaid.

I have no idea why anyone would say something like that to a small child. To my mother's credit, she waited until I was an adult to start harassing me about my weight. I grew up not hating my body, which is apparently anomalous among women in this country. Did you see the Tina Fey interview I posted last week? She talks about how she doesn't obsess about weight because she doesn't want her daughter to do so. I wouldn't want my daughter to go through that. My mother, unfortunately, is of a different disposition.

And it's counterproductive: none of her relentless "observations" helped me slim down--if I lost a hundredth of a pound every time mom told me I'd put on weight, I might be able to fit into my favorite jeans by now (Banana Republic, 00 Petite--and I needed a belt to keep them on!) If anything, it was the opposite. Mom's antics are actually so counterproductive that they're ironic, in that the exact opposite behavior would be helpful. Instead of constantly pointing out, in increasingly unflattering ways, that I've put on weight, while, at the same time, encouraging unhealthy eating habits--eat more, have ten pounds of cheese, etc.--she might not say anything about my weight, nor hassle me when I exercise portion control. But I digress.

At 32, going on 33, I'm annoyed but hardly impressionable. I *still* don't hate my body (although I'd like my clothes to fit the way they once did). How f*ed up do you have to be to tell a one-year-old that her stomach is disgusting? First of all, don't think she can't understand you.

Full disclosure: I've said to Gracie, "look at this belly!" I've asked her why she's so fat. I also regularly threaten to beat her (she knows I'm kidding) if she doesn't shut up. But she really can't understand me, otherwise, you'd think, she'd shut up.

All asides aside, there's nothing funny about instilling body image issues in small children. If you don't have anything helpful to say, shut the f* up.

China's f*-you to the world

Way to go. This takes serious balls.

Monday morning roundup

I know this is cold comfort to South Africans commuting to the cities from the townships, but the people resisting the buses because of concerns about property values will get theirs: recall that Georgetown residents lobbied hard against a metro stop in the neighborhood because they wanted to keep out the riff raff, and see how that's worked out for them.

Greece: a cautionary tale.

Ross Douthat on the role of the Enquirer today, and a look back at Joseph Pulitzer's life, career and legacy.

Is this guy suggesting that fiction doesn't teach us about the "real world"? I'll tell you what does keep you out of the real world: an overwhelming preference for the digital world.

I was very happy to read that spring is in sight--it was quite a feel-good story--and then someone had to go and suggest extending Valentine's Day?? What kind of bull$hit is that? A day is plenty.

There are a few great things about living in Virginia rather than the District: representation in Congress; going more than a week without one's car being broken into; and better public services. Please don't f* with that third one.

Shapes

Jay: How's the RS coming?
A.: Great--in the event that I'll need to point out to someone that the yellow triangle is bigger than the green square, we are all set. I've got that down.
Jay: Well, colors might come in handy, if we go shopping. You could say, 'I'd like those blue jeans.'
A.: Except that I don't know how to say 'I'd like' or 'jeans.'
Jay: Good point.

Gift-themed ramble

As I've succumbed to blog creep, a number of recurring themes have emerged beyond 'mom' and things Jewish and Russian: things single, public transportation etiquette, gifts. I was thinking about this last one recently because with the gift I told you about in the roundup, there are now two wallets I'm complimented on whenever I whip out either. Also, Wendy came bearing gifts--which she totally didn't have to do--and they are lovely/useful. Actually, some of the best books that I've read over the last few years were gifts (many from Wendy, too)--books worth their weight in gold because I'd never have picked them up on my own, yet I'm very happy to have read them. And while gifts that are great really are great, I genuinely believe in it's-the-thought-that-counts--and the thought adds value to the gift. [Those of you who have already figured out that this is going to lead to a few swipes at RM can pat yourselves on the back]. Not only do I love the wallet that Marcela gave me, but I love that my friend was thinking of me on her vacation, and I love that my friend, with a fabulous sense of style, knew me well enough to pick out something I would love. I thanked Marcela again for the wallet, and she wrote, "I definitely put thought into something that you would like instead of some knick knack that would just collect dust." Which means a lot. When I look at the things on my shelves and walls, they reflect that thought--they reflect my friends--as well as my own travels and experiences. Need I bring up the contrast between the beautiful Bohemian crystal that Heather brought me from Prague, and the conference freebie imitation crystal that RM placed on the dresser in the upstairs hallway, in imitation? The former reminds me of a friend who is far away, and the latter creeps me out (and yet the hoarder in me can't bring myself to toss it--it'll be in my next Freecycle box).

You don't always get gifts right, even when you try, but even having the right idea in mind makes a huge difference. It's funny because I hate to slam people for any kind of gift--especially because my mother slams people for almost any kind of gift--and yet I love slamming RM for everything gift related that he ever did--mainly the fact that he continued to give them after I made it clear that doing so was inappropriate, but also the fact that the gifts themselves were completely inappropriate. It goes back to the idea that it's the thought that counts--in his case, the thought was misguided. In the vein that I was annoyed with RM for trying to manufacture intimacy--and I just mean platonic intimacy--I was duly annoyed at his gift giving to that end. That epiphany that hit as I was returning home from a friend's party--it was the week after the pearl earrings incident, so RM's manufactured intimacy was on my mind--I was thinking of how long I'd known the friend, the fun things we'd been through together, and also how he was there when I had a minor breakdown after an overdue but fraught breakup, and how RM thought he could just pop into my life and decide that we were close friends. And further that with regular (and inappropriate) gifts.

Going back to what Marcela said, and to the other beautiful/useful/readable things that people have given me that now have a home in the house, the best gifts are not only about the thought, but reflect thought, and also reflect actual friendship: they (often) work because the givers know you well and know what you would want to display/use/read. To give not-quite-credit where it's due, RM later told me, the first time we had it out--after he first saw the dissonance in our respective concepts of the roommate relationship--he put a lot of thought into the earrings: he described me to the person at the jewelry counter in order for that person to suggest an apt gift. In that case, the 'thought' needed to take a step back (and the person behind the counter, if provided the right amount of detail, should have told him not to get his roommate jewelry). Do you know how sick to my stomach I felt when I opened that box? It really was worse than when he tried to give me a foot massage.

I realize that not every needs to be deeply thought out. The baked goods I gave my neighbors for the holidays and the gift card I gave the mail carrier, who can't receive cash, were intended to convey community rather than friendship. But when I do choose gifts for friends, I think about them--who they are and what they may find useful. The gifts reflect my having thought about the recipients, as people. Of course, you're not always right and you'll occasionally choose something that will collect dust--all you can do is try. The whole point of this ramble is that gifts reflect a relationship, not the other way around. I hated RM's gifts because they reflected his attempt to manufacture a relationship. I love my friends' gifts because they reflect who they are, who I am, and the connection and understanding between the two. And I love when I get a gift right for the same reason. Then again, I'd never know, because, as mom would say, they're probably just being polite.

Sunday morning roundup: Part II

Lucille Clifton has passed away. This is a minor detail, but did you know that she's the "Lucille" in Ani Difranco's "Lost Woman Song"?

American women are socially bullied into agreeing that everything's fine. Robin Givhan reassures us, however, that fashion-wise, things are looking good. On a related note, check out out the latest Scene In.

One Smith College constituency gets a shout-out from an unlikely source. Later at the same event, the Glenn Beck show, complete with blackboard.

Read the civilian trials piece in the New Yorker that I posted a few days ago for more substantive context, but do read Dana Milbank's argument for why the President should ignore calls for Rahm Emmanuel's head.

It's not "discrimination" when there's a practical or actuarial basis to it. Younger drivers pose higher risks (although 25 is a high bar), and it's not fair to passengers when very large passengers take up part of their seat (nor when children kick them or keep them awake over the course of eight hours on a red-eye, but that's another topic).

Russians will not stand for threats to their dachas.

With rising unemployment--of which I am not making light--people are learning to make their own waffles.

How not to address weight issues--much less non-existing ones--with children. That's *just wrong.*

I love Ten Thousand Villages and Busboys and Poets, and it sucks that they're struggling, but it doesn't surprise me given their business models. I've rarely bought anything at TTV for myself--I've bought many a gift there and received some beautiful gifts from there--but I can't justify buying "fair trade" stuff for myself. Marcela--who recently gave me a beautiful portfeuille wallet from Colombia--was talking about it--why would you, especially when you have the opportunity to get the same things in the country of origin?

The Post writes that the recent crop of Israeli films are worth seeing.

Sunday morning roundup--Part I

Living conditions for Royingya refugees are still squalid, dangerous and demeaning.

Malcolm Gladwell's article on the sociology of drinking is interesting, but we need more than a handful of anecdotes and highly localized, decades-old studies to buy his conclusions.

Sen. Bayh urges the country and its leadership to grow up, while pundits offer additional ideas for the Senate.

Nicholas Kristof on what it would be like if journalism worked like health care, as inspired by this piece on what air travel would be like under the same analogy. In the Post, an excerpt from a Rodale piece on why CT Scans epitomize the market failures of health care and why you can, theoretically, blame the Beatles.

The real estate bubble burst in suburban Atlanta; down-and-out Iowans turn to an emergency lottery; there's muted optimism in Detroit; and an insightful quote--"The Internet seems to run on Schadenfreude and hysteria"--from this perspective on a writer's recession.

Saturday Roundup

Homelessness in Haiti is still rampant.

Technology has made secrecy in political assassinations harder to pull off.

Patrick Smith suggests everyone involved in air travel chill the f* out.

Mmm, rum. Mmm, Costa Rica. Seriously, though: the future of spirituality in America.

Gail Collins can't resist mentioning Mitt Romney in a column--she's admitted as much--without also mentioning the road trip with the dog strapped to the roof.

Conservatives can't resist finding fault in the First Lady's war on obesity.