I didn't originally plan on DIY-ing the toilets and tiling, but I got sick of dealing with people. I would have fixed the washer myself--getting people in to do it was an enormous hassle--but there was a gas dryer stacked atop that had to be removed to get at the part that needed replacement. The company that eventually did it was great, but the whole experience made me resent contractors even more. One guy tried to convince me that I'd misdiagnosed so he could charge me $80 just for diagnostics, but it was pretty clear from what was happening that there could only be one thing wrong with it (the main control board needed to be replaced). I store a bunch of stuff (a step ladder, tools, old paint, etc.) around and on top of the laundry unit, and it was a pain to have to move all that stuff, but it was also needed impetus to sort through that stuff and throw away the paint. At the height of the chaos, almost everything was out of the utility room and there was a toilet sitting in the living room (I've since dragged it outside; I'm going to try to donate it).
Ironically, I thought 'now that I'm tearing up that toilet, it would be a good time to retile,' because the toilet was easy(ish) and the tiling was an ordeal. I didn't do it *well.* There is uneven tile. But it still looks much better than it did before. I would probably DIY it again knowing what I know now, but I'd be more careful about using the same amount of mortar under every tile. Everything (that I can do myself) is done, and the house looks like a house again. My tooth is healing up nicely. I'm still working on cleaning up all the dust and other minor debris from the tile-cutting, sawing, and mortar/grout dust (I tried to do a lot of that outside but some of it wasn't happening).
***
The other day, I got a call from an old "friend" of my parents. I was on my way to the optometrist and didn't recognize the number, so I let it go to message. The message was that this woman was very concerned about my parents' situation and wanted me to give her a call to discuss. I didn't have time to call her that afternoon or evening--I got home and immediately started grouting--and was uninclined to call her after she left me a second message, begging me to call her. Now, I forgive my dad for pulling that shit (i.e., Skype-calling me five times within a few hours when he knew I was probably busy with house stuff and could have figured that I'd call him once I saw the first missed call), but I don't need non-family leaving me multiple messages in a day. I called the woman back around noon the next day, at which point she lectured me for 15 minutes about how dad needs to sell the house and move to Florida (with her) so mom can have an in-home nursing aid and dad could go to the pool every day. I didn't bother to tell her that dad doesn't particularly care for Florida and doesn't care for pools at all. I did try to say that he was happy in Boston, had a community there--at which point she interrupted me and insisted that he didn't. I gave up and let her talk until she was done talking, and thought 'who does she think she is' but also thought, wow, she really sucks at this persuasion thing almost as much as my mother does, and also doesn't even realize that she sucks at it. Is she used to people yielding to her or at least making her think that they are?
It reminded me of what Arthur Brooks recently wrote on the matter:
No one in history has ever insulted another person into persuasion... You can insult someone into a fight, or into a lawsuit, or into a divorce. But not into agreement."My mother would have benefitted from understanding that--my dad has said it to her, in almost as many words--but she's either truly uninterested in persuasion or just doesn't know any other way. Neither, apparently, does her friend.
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