Monday roundup

Wow, Mary Karr's commencement speech:

Bad things are going to happen to y’all because they happen to us all, and worrying about them won’t stave them off. Look around at each other. This is a good looking crowd. I’m telling you, y’all look sharp today! But at certain times don’t make the mistake of comparing your twisted up insides to other people’s blow dried outsides. The most privileged person in this Dome suffers the torments of the damned just going about the business of being human.

People they adore have been shot through the heart, they’ve suffered agonizing infirmities and even the best families, loved ones, however inadvertently, fail to show up at the key moment or they show up serving grief and shame when tenderness is starved for.”

And, "being curious and compassionate will save your ass. Being curious and compassionate will take you out of your ego and edge your soul towards wonder..."

While I'm quoting words of wisdom, here's Mat Johnson:

The other thing I think is wrong with this moment of great offense is that you get a cookie for getting offended about something. People are like, “If I get offended about that, it means I’m righteous.” On Twitter, you get a cookie not only from more people approving of you but from more people following you. You raise your profile by being offended. So the natural consequence of that is that people get more and more offended. Because the thing is, there’s nothing to risk by being offended. Once you’re offended, you’re partly saying, “I’m more pure than this, and as such I reject this.” There’s just nothing at risk.

and

Everyone is talking about themselves: “This is me.” And also, “Well you talked, so now I get to talk about me and I’m going to pretend it’s me talking about you.” Everybody is coming in with their own baggage and pain when it comes to identity.

Here's a case study in the outsized impact of microaggressions. It's exhausting to even have to figure out if someone's being lighthearted, and it doesn't matter. Whether intended or not, the affect is that the target is reminded that he/she doesn't belong.

A blast from the not-so-distant past: a mother of a gay son points out that god gave us brains, so we should use them.

I've never been so sure I'd have to see a movie as I am with Mad Max: Fury Road.

There's so much to be said for treating women like people.

Nitpicking adds up, erodes affection. Especially when it's about micromanaging the way someone else shows affection. Now the theme here is, if someone means well/is doing you a favor, do you have any right to complain? The answer is, it depends... but nitpicking isn't the answer.

You cannot go ahead and do something that someone has specifically told you not to do and expect a positive reaction from that person, and you can't be surprised or offended at his/her reaction. [See: mom blog, RM blog on these pages.]

Not all science writers hate physics.