More response to comment

That we are ill positioned to diagnose the health of others just by looking at them should go without saying. If it doesn't, click on some of the links from the original post, particularly this one. It really comes down to, "who do you think you are?" If the answer is not "his or her doctor" or a very close friend, consider the probability that you have no f*ing idea what's going on. That person may be undergoing cancer treatments; she may be dealing with a difficult personal situation; she could just have a really high metabolism. You just don't know, and you're not going to help anyone by calling her out.

Even if you see someone behaving in a certain way, your interpretation of that behavior is filtered by your own idea of "normal," which is mostly based on what you would do in the same situation. What you consider as compulsively healthy may just be normal for the observed person (and she could see your idea of normal as unhealthy).

A few years ago--apologies to my (few) regular readers, who have heard this story--I was at a friend's birthday party. This friend is obese; her obesity is limiting on an everyday basis, and she's experienced serious complications (such as pancreatitis) from it. Since that episode of pancreatitis, she's been telling me that she's been eating a lot better. But her idea of "a lot better" is my idea of "are you f*ing kidding me?" My mom--this woman is a family friend--has suggested that I look over her shoulder and nag her about her eating habits. I argue that that would only make it worse; if I want to get anything across to her, it's that she's responsible for her own health and nutrition. I can share nutritional information (I had to tell her that brown sugar was still sugar and that highly sweetened yogurt was not healthy, after other well-meaning friends had picked it up for her to help her eat better) and ideas and recipes. But I can't tell her what to do, and I could tell even then by the way she wanted me to believe that she was cooking and eating certain things that she didn't really believe in it. She was more interested in convincing me, as if I wanted her to eat well for my sake.

Anyway, at her birthday party--actually, it was two birthday parties. At the first, a few months after she was hospitalized, she couldn't believe I wasn't having any cheese. She literally didn't understand that I didn't want it. She said, incredulously, "surely, you can allow yourself a little indulgence once in a while." Sure I can, but in this case, I don't want to. And she just couldn't wrap her head around that.

A year or two later, at another birthday party, I happily gorged on the hummus and guac. She kept saying, "we must be making you very hungry with all this pizza," and again, wouldn't take me at my word that they weren't making me hungry at all. To her--through her lens--my eating habits came off as overly disciplined. To me, I was eating exactly what I wanted to eat.

My (few) regular readers know that I do not answer to the (non-existent) vegan police. If I feel like having something that's not vegan, I just have it. But 99% of the time, I have no interest in having it (the other 1 percent of the time, it's right in front of me and I'm pretty hungry, with no vegan options in site, or it's homemade and I may as well try a little. Something to that effect). But to my friend, the concept of actually preferring vegan food is so foreign as to be impenetrable. It's easier for her to believe that I'm unreasonably restrictive.

Which brings us back to this: what do you think is my response when she comments on my eating habits? "Thank you for helping me see the light; I'll have some pizza now"?

Our shapes, like our finances, are a product of outside circumstances as well as personal choices. Outside circumstances matter, but not so much that we can discount the power of personal choices. Our choices are, in turn, a product of our circumstances, but they're also a product of our beliefs and habits. If you believe that healthy food isn't as good--that eating healthily is a sacrifice--that's going to affect how you eat. And if you see someone else eating healthily, and you really don't want to, it serves you to paint that person as extreme.

I've observed certain common behaviors and beliefs among my obese friends: they do things like count steps to minimize walking distance, and go for the closest parking spot available. They talk about healthy eating as if it's something that only crazy, obsessed people do (mind you, RM did that and he wasn't overweight). They don't see the value of exercise in its own right (i.e., other than a weight-loss tool).  I've also observed common characteristics among thin people: we move a lot, without giving it much thought. We exercise because we feel like it, not because we think it'll move the scale. We take stairs and open doors manually. We are just generally active. I realize that some ubernaturally thin people can be internally obese (i.e., high percent body fat), and many overweight people are active. Hence what I was saying the other day about BMI being a meaningless measure. But I digress.

My point is that our shapes are a product of many different factors, including habits, and some of those habits may seem foreign to someone with opposite habits. The same for beliefs. As I've said, it's very, very hard for my obese friends to understand that I truly like vegetables and prefer hummus to pizza and exercise for fun (and because I feel sluggish when I don't). To me, it's foreign to eat cheetos and take the elevator to go up one flight (or two, or four) and count steps to the restrooms to determine which is the closest by a hair.

Yes, there are genuinely unhealthy habits related to weight management: binging, purging, starving, etc.  There are borderline (not the healthiest, but not clinical) behaviors: obsessing over calories, emotional eating, eating in bed, etc. But when you see someone on the street whom you've deemed "too thin," how do you know whether they're healthy? Who the hell are you to diagnose them? And if you happen to know that someone's binging and/or purging, what are you going to do about it? Call them out in front of other people?

I'm going to end with the same claims with which I started: other people's body shapes are none of your business. You are in no position to diagnose them or pass judgment on them. You're not helping anyone by calling them out. So just mind your own business.